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PRODUCER WILLIAM DOZIER DIRECTOR LES MARTINSON ASSOCIATE PRODUCER CHARLES FITZSIMMONS GREENWAY PRODUCTIONS FOR KNOUNTALLIOE.COhY FINAL DRAFT -106- APRIL 6, 1966 BATMAN Screenplay by Lorenzo Semple, Jr. Producer William Dozier Director Les Martinson Associate Producer Charles FitzSimons FINAL A GREENWAY PRODUCTION April 6, 1966 FOR 108 TWENTIETH CENTURY-FOX KEWOUITALLIO“. CObd 108 BATMAN FADE IN EXT. WAYNE MANOR GATES - DAY A snazzy convertible comes up road at great speed, turns in through gates into driveway. Occupants are BRUCE WAYNE and DICK GRAYSON. EXT. DRIVEWAY - DAy AUNT HARRIET kneels at the floral border ina floppy hat, gardening. ALFRED sits nonchalantly on a shooting stick, holding a colorful parasol over her head. The convertible hurtles up driveway past them. Aunt Harriet throws a cheery wave after retreating car, goes back to her gardening. EXT. FRONT OF WAYNE MANOR ~ DAY Convertible stops in a shower of gravel. Bruce and Dick leap out, run inside. INT. WAYNE MANOR HALL - DAY Bruce and Dick dash down hall. INT. BRUCE'S STUDY - DAY Bruce and Dick run in, close door, operate Secret Switch in Shakespeare pate. Batpoles are revealed. They run to them, leap aboard, slide down. INT. BATPOLE SHAFT - UP SHOT - SPECIAL EFFECT giving KALEIDOSCOPIC EFFECT of someone spinning down a burnished shaft in a COLORFUL FLURRY of what might be changing clothing. INT. BATPOLE SHAFT - UP SHOT - SPECIAL EFFECT More of the same. INT. BATCAVE BATMAN and ROBIN emerge in their regalia, dash to the waiting Batmobile and jump in. CLOSER SHOT - BATMOBILE as Batman fires it up, Robin eyes instruments. Cont. KNOUITALLIO‘“.COb) 108 9 Cont. 10 11 12 REVISED - BATMAN" - 8/12/66 2 ROBIN Atomio batteries to POWER... Turbines to SPEED... Vroooom! Batmobile shoots out into tunnel. EXT. BATCAVE ENTRANCE ~- DAY Secret opening in hillside operates, Batmobile shoots out and turns onto highway. EXT. ROAD ~ SPEEDING BATMOBILE - DAY The great vehicle WHINES along at inoredible speed. EXT. BATMOBILE COCKPIT ~- DAY (PROCESS) ‘Robin picks up Mobile Batphone, speaks into it ourtly: 13 14 15 ROBIN Batmobile to airport, Red Alert) Prepare BATCOPTER for immediate take-off! Batmobile, over and out! INT. AIRPORT HANGAR - DAY A ground tractor emerges, towing the wondrous-looking BATCOPTER. FAST DISSOLVE TO: EXT. AIRPORT RUNWAY - DAY Batcopter is parked with turning rotors, as a couple, of GROUND CREWMEN wearing Batinsignias on their backs scramble , around it. CAMERA PANS to pick up Batmobile speeding across field. INT. AIRPORT CONTROL TOWER - DAY Two CONTROLLERS present, one looking out at field with binoculars as other tends radio and radar, etc. FIRST CONTROLLER (matter-of-fact Batmobile crossing field.... Second Controller pushes switches, speaks into mike: SECOND CONTROLLER Gotham Tower to all aircraft in Gotham Control Zone... Enter your holding-pattern. Repeat. Enter your holding-pattern! Batcopteb taking off] Red alert! KNOUNTALLIO“E. COPY 108 16 17 18 19. 20 el 22 23 REVISED - "BATMAN" - 4/12/66 3 EXT, RUNWAY - FEATURE BATCOPTER Batman and Robin leap from Batmobile, climb into Batcopter as Crewmen.give thumbs-up signals over the clattering SOUND of BATCOPTER. INT. BATCOPTER COCKPIT - DAY Batman picks up hand mike from instrument panel and speaks into it: BATMAN Batman to Tower... Ready for take- off on one-seven-oh. INT. CONTROL TOWER - DAY SECOND CONTROLLER Batcopter, cleared for take-off, BATMAN'S VOICE (from radio) Request permission for straight- out departure, bearing eight-six, SECOND CONTROLLER Tower to Batman, affirmative, The sky is all yours, Batman! EXT. BATCOPTER - FULL SHOT It rises swiftly, heads away on a fast olimbing course over the field. BAT WHIP TO: EXT, BATCOPTER IN FLIGHT - DAY from ANOTHER HELICOPTER ABOVE, showing Batcopter passing over city. EXT. ROOF TOP - DAY A hevy of GORGEOUS GALS in bikinis are playing volleyball. SOUND of HELICOPTER is heard. The girls react, look up. THEIR P.0O.V., - THE BATCOPTER wailing overhead. EXT. ROOF TOP - THE GIRLS They abandon their game, race to edge of roof and look up, wave and SHRIEK in wild AD-LIBS. Abandon as they blow kisses. Cont. WOUNTALLIOE COPY REVISED - "BATMAN" - 4/12/66 4 23 Cont. GIRLS Ooooh! Batman! Batman! Ooooh! BATMAN! !!! 24 ° INT. BATCOPTER COCKPIT - DAY (PROCESS) Batman glances down, smiles, impassively returns his eye to controls and instruments. 25 EXT. ANOTHER ROOF TOP - DAY x Some young TEEN-AGE.GIRLS are taking ballet lessons from an INSTRUCTRESS to tune of phonograph. , SQUND of HELICOPTER is heard. GIRLS look up, react. They start leaping up and down and squealing in passion to the dismay of the INSTRUCTRESS. . _ TEEN-AGERS Oooooh! Robin! Robin! Ooooh! ROBIN! A-25 INT, BATCOPTER COCKPIT ~ DAY (PROCESS) Robin looks down, tosses a little half-salute. B-25 EXT, CITY STREET - DAY A PLATOON OF COPS marches briskly along behind their SERGEANT. Familiar SOUND of BATCOPTER heard, They look up en masse, C-25 THEIR P.O.V. - THE BATCOPTER D-25 BACK TO STREET - THE COPS Without breaking stride, they all whip off their hats, hold them in salute over their breasts, march right on. B-25 EXT. CITY PARK ~ TWO OLD FOLK - DAY The oldsters, man and wife, are spreading out picnic things when BATCOPTER is HEARD. They pause, look up. P-25 THEIR P.O.V. - THE BATCOPTER G-25 BACK TO PARK - THE OLD FOLK Still gawking up, the man takes his wife's hand, squeezes it warmly. She lays her head on the old gaffer's shoulder. Cont. 108 KNOUNTALLIOE. COMM - 108 G@-25 Cont. 26 27 28 29 30 MAN Gives a feller a good feelin' to know they're up there on the job, don't it, Maw? A safe feelin'... WOMAN Sure does, Paw. ~ INT. BATCOPTER COCKPIT ~ DAY (PROCESS) BATMAN Batscanner reading... Robin swivels head, eyes Batscanner. ROBIN Vector seven! Radar Batlock, heading two-one-one! BAT WHIP TO: EXT. BATCOPTER IN FLIGHT - DAY now sailing along over WATER. INT, BATCOPTER COCKPIT - DAY (PROCESS) Batman reacts to something ahead and down, taps Robin on shoulder and points. EXT. YACHT AT SEA - AERIAL SHOT - DAY A seagoing luxury craft, plowing ahead through mildly choppy sea. BACK TO COCKPIT BATMAN Activate Batlanding Computer... Robin flicks switches on device like bombsight, but much more complex, puts his eye to the sight. ROBIN Batdrift Angle: zero-three to starboard... BATMAN Roger. Correcting to port... Cont. KNOUITALLION“.COb/ REVISED - "BATMAN" - 4/12/66 6 30 Cont. 31 32 33 x 34 35 108 ROBIN Altitude, three-one-seven... Sink-rate, point four-nine... BATMAN Drop Batiadder! Robin yanks on a lever. ROBIN Batladder away! EXT, FLYING BATCOPTER - CLOSER SHOT as BATLADDER drops from a hatch in bottom. INT, COCKPIT BATMAN Lock computer on afterdeck. Set Automatic Bathold. ROBIN Bathold set! ‘ EXT. BATCOPTER OVER YACHT - DAY Batcopter approaches yacht with Batladder dangling in slipstream, hovers above it. Batladder has sign hanging from bottom step saying "Batladder". INT. BATCOPTER COCKPIT Batman slips from his seat, pulls open floor hatch, prepares to descend. ROBIN Watch out, Batman. This could be tricky! BATMAN Have no fear, Robin. I'11 keep all my wits about me. So long, for a minute! ; Batman swings down through floor hatch. EXT. FLYING BATCOPTER - SHOOTING UP Batman emerges beneath cockpit, starts easily down the ladder. He looks down, KNOUNTALLIOE CODY REVISED - "BATMAN" - 4/12/66 7 36 EXT, YACHT - P.0.V. SHOT Its deck is very close now, below the end of the Batiadder. 37 CLOSE SHOT - BATMAN ON LADDER He pulls little RADIO from his Utility Belt, speaks into it. BATMAN Batman to Robin, ease off on the power! Increase sink-rate! 38 INT. BATCOPTER COCKPIT - ROBIN He turns knob on Automatic Bathold device, speaks into a hand mike: : ROBIN Roger! Wilco! 39 EXT. BATMAN ON LADDER - SHOOTING DOWN - SPECIAL EFFECT As Batman at extreme bottom of ladder gets very close to deck, sinking, suddenly THE YACHT SIMPLY DISAPPEARS. Faster than eye can blink, ship is gone! 40 EXT, BATMAN ON LADDER His feet hit the white caps. Aq BIG CLOSEUP - BATMAN shouting wildly up: BATMAN Emergency! Super-power! TAKE HER UP! 42 INT. COCKPIT - ROBIN He dives for controls. 43 EXT, BATMAN ON LADDER Suddenly a MONSTER SHARK leaps from water and clamps its hideous jaws around a Batman thigh. At same instant, Batcopter reacts to application of Super-power, bounds skyward, taking Batman-mit-shark on ladder with it. 44 BIG REACTION SHOT ~ ROBIN gaping down floor hatch. ROBIN x Holy sardine 321, 108 NOUNTALLSOE CODY 45 46 4? 48 49 108 REVISED - "BATMAN" - 4/12/66 8 EXT. BATMAN AND SHARK ON LADDER - VARIOUS SHOTS as unusual strife ensues: mid-air life and death combat with a huge, writhing, snapping, slippery monster of the deep. Batman wrestles, punches, chokes, but flapping shark won't let go its nideous grip. As ladder swings crazily during all this, Batman manages to get out his little radio with one hand, yells into it: BATMAN Batman to Robin, Super-emergencyl Swing me down the shark repellent BATSPRAY!!2 INT. BATCOPTER COCKPIT ~ ROBIN He leaps into action, seizes a SPRAY CAN labeled SHARK REPELLENT from a clip-on rack holding several such containers, labelled WHALE REPELLENT, OCTOPUS REPELLENT, MANTARAY REPELLENT - under a general sign "OCEANIC REPELLENT BATSPRAYS", Robin climbs out through the Batcopter door. EXT. BATCOPTER AND LADDER Robin swings upside down ty his knees, trapeze fashion, extending down the spray can. Batman, still battling shark, reaches up. Stretch, stretch, stretch. Batman's fingers get the can. SPWIFFl In the monster's slimy face. Shark lets go, out cold. DOWN SHOT ~- FROM HELICOPTER Shark tumbles end over end, a hundred feet at least, hits the water, Not just a huge SPLASH when it hits: a MONSTER EXPLOSION, about a ton of TNT. TWO SHOT - BATMAN AND ROBIN IN MID-AIR looking down, Robin still hanging upside down above Caped Crusader. ROBIN (awed) Holy barber shop} That was a close shave} BATMAN (grim) An exploding shark... One of the most fiendish traps we've ever escaped... Cont. NOUNTALLIOE CODY REVISED - "BATMAN" - 4/12/66 9 h9 Cont. ROBIN x And a ship that wasn't there} BATMAN I have a feeling: this case is going to be a strange one. SMASH INTO: 50 MAIN TITLES At conclusion of which: DISSOLVE TO: 51 EXT. POLICE HEADQUARTERS - FULL SHOT - DAY ESTABLISHING it. 52 INT. GORDON'S OFFICE - DAY COMMISSIONER GORDON sits back of his desk, flanked by Batman and Robin. CHIEF O'HARA stands to one side. Facing them are a bunch of: REPORTERS and PHOTOGRAPHERS, including sa sexy-looking Russian deme who goes by name of KITKA. As photographers loose FLASHBULB barrage, Batman lifts his hands. GORDON xX All right... Enough pictures. BATMAN xX This Press Conference must be brief, ladies and gentlemen. O'HARA x It's kind of the Dynamic Duo to grant one at all} BATMAN (points) You there. Mr. Merrick of the Gotham City Times... MERRICK According to rumor, Batman, a transatlantic yacht approaching this city has simply disappeared... Cont. 108 WOUNTALLIOE CODY 108 REVISED - "BATMAN" ~ 4/12/66 g-A 52 Cont. BATMAN (easily) Nonsense. How can a yacht "simply disappear"? ; MERRICK You mean it's not true? BATMAN I stand on my answer, Mr. Merrick, (points again) Mr. Stanley of the Globe... STANLEY This yacht, I believe, belonged to the famous SCHLEPP'S WHISKY COMPANY. The firm's proprietor, Commander Redhead, is rumored bringing with him a fantastic new invention from the Schlepp's Research Laboratory... Cont. KNOUNTALLIOE.CORS © 108 10 52 Cont. BATMAN (cuts in) Please. No more questions about that ship. ROBIN Just take our word, fellas. Everything's completely under control! MERRICK What about that exploding shark? BATMAN Doubtless an unfortunate animal who chanced to swallow a floating mine. ’ Bruce has a look, reacts with equal startlement. BRUCE Incredible! I don't... (then, digging Robin's ruse) Ah. Of course. Clever... KITKA x Clever, Comrade Wayne? Bruce realizes that was near. boo-boo; hastens'on easily. BRUCE x I mean...Clever dévice...It's the famous Batsignal, Miss Kitka. Flashed from the roof of police headquarters. Batman and Robin must be racing there now’ in response to it! Kitka has another glance back up at Batsignal. 108 WOUNTALLIOE COPS 108 A-159 REVISED - "BATMAK" ~ 4/12/66 EXT, SKY - BATSIGNAL ON CLOUD (BATSTOCK) KITKA (kittenish) Then you did get the police to call them In...for my protection. BRUCE Eh... Yes. KITKA (snuggling up) How purr-fectly wonderful of you. WOUNTALLSOE CODY 514A x 52 B-159 BACK TO BRUCE AND KITKA - HANSOM CAB Kitka turns from window, puts her face close to Bruce's. KITKA I close my eyes-and dream of the savage cossacks, racing over the steppes on their brutal mission! BRUCE How strange. I close my eyes and {closing them) i dream of sometning Snaa astunisningiy different. KITKA Da, dai Keep your eyes closed, comrade t {lips brush kis cheek) Continue with tnis dream... Bruce sinks back in seat. Kitka does not do likewise. With swift movements, she pulls from her evening coat a largish brooch in shape of a JEWELED CAT, flips it open, Tiny RADIO TRANSMITTER inside. She pulls a pin from her hair, opens it telescope-fashion to 18" length, sticks it into a socket in cat's head. An antenna. And cat's articulated tail is a MORSE SENDING KEY, on which Kitka quickly starts tapping out a message. During which: BRUCE The dream continues... KITKA Da.,.da! BRUCE It approaches a climax.. KITKA Nyet! Not so fast, Comrade. Be more siow! BRUCE Miss Kitka... May I see you home to that borrowed penthouse apartment? BAT WHIP TO: 108 KNOUITALLIO“.COb/ 108 160 REVISED - "BATMAN" - 4/12/66 53 INT, UNITED UNDERGROUND HEADQUARTERS - NIGHT Riddler is at powerful Penguin-type radio receiver, wearing earphones. Grouped around him attentively are Penguin, Joker and three piratical thugs, Bluebeard, Morgan and Quetch. DIT-DAH MORSE SOUNDS for a beat or two, then they cease. Riddler snatches off earphones, jumps to his feet. RIDDLER He's swallowed the cat bait! JOKER And now to make him Batbait. PENGUIN Messrs. Bluebeard, Morgan, Quetch! Break out the jéet-pack umbrellas! ALL THREE Yo-ho-ho! They race for a closet in b.g. BAT WHIP TO: KNOUNTALLIOE.COhY 54 161 INT. KiTKA'S APARTMENT - NIGHT A luxurious penthouse living room, with balcony and lights of Gotham City beyond. Lamps are low, muted music issues from hi-fi. Kitka smiles at Bruce, all but purrs: KITKA Excuse me. I'll slip into something more comfortable while your cocoa's warming... 162 INSERT - BATSCANNER SCREEN IN BATMOBILE Kitka throws her arms ercund Bruce's neck, presses her lips to his. ROBIN'S HAND darts INTO SHOT, turns a switch. SCREEN GOES PLANK, 163 EXT. ALLEYWAY - PARKED BATMCBILE - NIGHT ALFRED Is that prudent, Master Robin? ur instructions were to keep watch. ROBIN I don't knew about "prudent", Alfred. But it's sure as heck the only decent thing to do! ALFRED Perhaps... Perhaps... As Alfred and Rcbin settle back comfortably in the cockpit, CAMERA WHIP-TILTS UP TO: 164 EXT, NIGHT SKY - FLYING CRIMINALS (PROCESS) Astonishing sight! Riddler, Penguin, Joker, Morgan, Bluebeard, Quetch fly in file across the crescent moon, each with a JET-PACK UMBRELLA strapped flamingly to his back! Riddler, in the lead, locks down through a pair of binoculars. RIDDLER There it is! Seventy-third Street and Concord Avenue! (calling back) Follow me! Down to the terrace! They all reach behind them, turn knobs on their jet-packs. They begin to sink against the starry sky. 165 INT. KITKA'S APARTMENT - NIGHT Kitka emerges from bedroom in sensational negligee. She stops, stands still as Bruce gulps and swallows and murmurs reverently: BRUCE "And all my days are trances, And all my nightly dreams Are where thy dark eye glances And where thy footstep gleams!" KITKA Otcha tchomya, Comrade Wayne, 108 Cont. KNOUITALLIO‘“.COb/ 108 55 165 Cont. 166 167 BRUCE Edgar Allen Poe, Miss Kitka. "To One in Paradise", first stanza. KITKA That dream you had... BRUCE Do we dare? : KITKA Why not? BRUCE Indeed. Why not? What use is a dream if not 4...olueprint for couragecus action? Kitka is rignt up against him new. KIOKA Into acticn, Comraije! BRUCE I have the strangest feeling, Miss Kitka... I'm about to be... utterly and madly CARRIED AWAY! Truer words never spoken. Sudden WHOOSHING and FLUTTERING and THUDDING SOUNDS from the terrace outside. Kitka and Bruce spin arcund. CAMSRA PANS FAST. Riddler, Penguin and Joker bound into rocm. In rapid succession: RIDDLER Greetings! PENGUIN This is a kidnapping! JOKER Our joke's on you! REACTION SHOT - KITKA She puts her hands to her face and SHRIEKS, WIDER ANGLE Riddler bounds over and lays rough hands on Kitka. BRUCE You filthy criminals!!! He flies at Riddler, wallops him. Riddler sails over sofa, but three pirate henchmen come crashing in from terrace by way of reinforcement. TREMENDOUS FIGHT ensues with SUPERED "PpOW!"-TYPE TITLES as Bruce single-handedly engages the entire gang. He does pretty good, but odds are a bit high. As Kitka shrieks, puts on convincing act of being a victim, end finally comes for Bruce in form of a GRANDFATHER CLOCK wielded by two thugs, broken in half over Bruce's head. KNOUITALLION“. COb/ 108 168 169 171 REVISED - "Barman" - 4/13/66 56 EXT, PARKED BATMOBILE - ALFRED AND ROBIN - NIGHT Alfred glances at his wrist watch. ALFRED Much as one deplores indiscretion, Master Robin... ROBIN You're right, Alfred. I'11 just take one tiny-tiny peek... Robin reaches for Batscanner knob. INSERT - BATSCANNER SCREEN as it glows to life. FULL SHOT of Kitka's demolished living room. There is no one there. Curtains flap in open terrace doorway. BIG REACTION SHOT ~- ROBIN AND ALFRED their heads close together as they gasp. ROBIN Holy demolition! ALFRED Bless my dustpan!!! WIDER ANGLE - FEATURE ROBIN leaping from Batmobile and grabbing Batarang from Utility Belt. ROBIN Cover the exits, Alfred! I'11 race up there with my Batrope! : ALFRED Very good, sir! Robin leans back, arm eocked to throw up Batarang, suddenly freezes. gaping straight up. REACTION SHOT - ROBIN ROBIN Holy Halloween! : ; EXT, NIGHT SKY - FLYING CRIMINALS (PROCESS) Like hawks with prey, they're now carrying knocked-out Bruce, also Kitka in her prettily streaming negligee. WISPS OF CLOUD blow past them. KNOUNTALLIOE.COhS a 108 174 175 176 177 Aeviony = DAIMAN = 4/12/00 57 BACK TO ALLEYWAY -— ROBIN He gawks a moment longer, then comes to life, dives for Batphone, grabs it up. INT, GORDON'S OFFICE ~ NIGHT as Gordon snatches up his flashing Red Phone. GORDON Yes?? ROBIN'S VOICE (filtered) Red Alert! Connect me at once with the nearest Air Squadron of the National Guard! GORDON Of course! Instantly! (into another phone Bonnie. Would you plug the Batline into sixty-nine - sixty-nine, please? INT. SQUADRON OFFICE - NIGHT Lone officer on duty, one MAJOR ‘TERRY, passing the. time building a model airplane. On the desk a box labeled on one side "Plastic Model Kit" and on the other "Any Child Can Do it." Beside it, a large tube of model airplane glue. His phone RINGS, he picks it up. TERRY Duty Officer, Major Terry. : INTERCUT > PHONE CONVERSATION - MAJOR TERRY AND ROBIN ROBIN Emergency! Airbourne kidnapping! Major Terry is instantly on the ball at that, TERRY Good gravy! Give me the data! ROBIN Six criminals with Jet-Pack Penguin Umbrellas! Estimated altitude, twenty-two hundred! TERRY Bearing? Cont. _KNOUTTELLICE.COM) 58 177 Cont. ROBIN About one-two-oh! Light cloud cover! TERRY We'll nab ‘em: ROBIN Be careful, Major! They're carry- ing two victims! Don't shoot, just Force them down! TERRY Naturally. Major Terry puts down phone, picks up microphone and flicks switch, TERRY (into mike) Squadron...SCRAMBLE! BAT WHIP TO: 108 KNOUTTALLION“.COb/ 178 179 18q 181 182 183 184 208 REVISED - "BATMAN" ~ 4/12/66 59 EXT. MILITARY AIRFIELD - VARIOUS SHOTS - NIGHT (STOCK) showing pilots racing out, JET FIGHTERS TAKING OFF. EXT, JETS AT ALTITUDE -. NIGHT (STOCK) . They thunder through night sky in close formation. EXT, NIGHT SKY - FLYING CRIMINALS (PROCESS) as before, carrying Bruce and Kitka. INT, JET COCKPIT ~ NIGHT (PROCESS) Major Terry at controls, flicks on throat-mike or whatever. TERRY Tango Leader to Squadron, I think I've got ‘em on my radar. Twelve o'clock high, as we aay. CLOSER SHOT - FLYING CRIMINALS Riddler in lead, looking back over shoulder. RIDDLER Jets on our trail} : PENGUIN Drat the meddlesome creatures! Quick! Up into the clouds! RIDDLER What use is that, birdbrain!? They have radar! JOKER Ho-ho. Lucky you have me along, boys! ; Ta RIDDLER Why ?? JOKER I can jam it with my whimsical metallic trick confetti... I'm never without it! CLOSER. ANGLE - JOKER He starts grabbing METALLIC CONFETTI from pockets,’ throwing it. : EXT. CONFETTI AGAINST SKY - NIGHT A great mass drifting down, glittering in the bright moonlight. KNOUNTALLIOE.COhY 60 185 INT, JET COCKPIT - NIGHT (PROCESS) Major Terry reacts, fiddles with knobs on instrument panel. 186 INSERT ~ RADAR SCREEN going completely BLOOIE,. 187 EXT. CONFETTI AGAINST SKY ~ NIGHT more of same. 188 INT. JET COCKPIT - NIGHT (PROCESS) Major Terry fiddles some more, gives up. TERRY Tango Leader to Squadron. They've jammed the radar. This mission is hopeless. Break off pursuit, return to base! 189 EXT, NIGHT SKY - FLYING CRIMINALS (PROCESS) They look back over shoulders, begin to LAUGH, fly on through the lovely night. DISSOLVE TO; Ie \O Q INT, ROLLING NEWSPAPER PRESS (STOCK) HOLD for a beat, then a NEWSPAPER SPINS OUT to fill the screen. Cries gigantic headline: "BRUCE WAYNE AND COMPANION KIDNAPPED! ATTRACTIVE GIRL FRIEND SEIZED IN BRAZEN SNATCH!" BAT WHIP TO: 191 INT. WAYNE MANOR - LIVING ROOM ~ DAY Aunt Harriet, super-crestfejlen Dick Grayson, also a somber ‘gent named MR. PERCY. AUNT HARRIET Be brave, Dick. Be-+couragecus.. It's a mark of good breeding. DICK Sure. JI know that, Aunt Harriet, but... Cont. 108 KNOUITALLIO“. CObd 61 AUNT HSRRIET 4s alive. Stop behaving as this was somehow your fault, k Grayson! (turning) y. As treasurer of the @ation, you can draw "to vouT” AUNT HARRIET Well, then, Kidnly go to the bank at once, draw out ten midiion collars in unmarked bills of small denomination. When the eon al om demand comes, I intend to sig Aer Front DOOR CHIME SOUNDS. Aunt Harriet jumps, they all turn. 192 INT. FRONT HALL ~- DAY Alfred opens door, bleak-faced Commissioner Gordon hurries in. ALFRED Cood morning, Commissioner. GORDON fias, Alfred. No. A singularly bad morning...Only one silver lining to our cloud. Miss Kitka was happily incognito last night, otherwise I nate to think what frigid blasts we'd be receiving from tne Kremlin! LIVING ROOM - DAY kes wo Las as Gordon enters, goes toward Aunt Harriet. GORDON My dear Mrs. Cooper...Dick. Mr. Perey...I can only tell you that every erfort was made. Still is being made. What more can I do? AUNT HARRIE’ art) 1 Batman, Commissioner. (P25 ¢ You could cal Cont. 108 KNOUITALLION“’.COb/ 108 62 193 Cont. 194 _ 195 GORDON Call him?? Do you think I've not tried, Mrs. Cooper? (marching to phone, dialing) Not a word from him since the dreadful hour! The Batsignal was turned on till dawn, I've been telephoning every... (to phone) I'm at Wayne Manor, Bonnie. Plug this into the Batphone Hot-Line, try once again, will you?... Thanks. (to room) Where is Batman, in this time of need? Where is Robin, the Boy Wonder? DICK Gosh. I think I left my electric toothbrush running... Dick turns, hastens out of living room. INT, BRUCE'S STUDY ~- DAY Batphone in f.g. starts FLASHING. Dick comes running into study, closes door, dashes over and picks up Batphone receiver. DICK Hello, Commissioner. INTERCUT: PHONE CONVERSATION - LIVING ROOM AND STUDY GORDON Boy Wonder! Thank heavens! Tell Batman to leap into the Batmobile, meet me at Wayne Manor instantly! DICK I'm afraid that's...impossible, Commissioner, GORDON Wnat? Impossible? Why?? Cont. KNOUTTALLIO“.COb/ 108 195 Cont. 196 DICK Well...the truth is... Batman's down with the flu. GORDON Surely you're joking, Boy Wonder! Batman down with... Dick cuts in with angry frustration: DICK Loox, Commissicner! How cften do we have to tell you? Batman and I are perfectly ordinary mortals! We bleed, we feel, we get sick... just like anyone else! Dick bangs down phone, starts fast from study. INT. LIVING ROOM - FEATURE GORDON open-mouthed, holding dead phone. As he puts it down, Dick comes hurrying beck in. GORDON Astonishing. The Boy Wonder actually...snapped at me! It can only mean.,.Batmen's condition must be grave. 63 - BAT WHIP TO: KNOUITALLION“.COb/ 108 197 198 199 200 201 wor INT. U.U. HEADQUARTERS - DAY OPEN MED, CLOSE on Bruce, disheveled from battle, sprawled on sofa unconscious, with arms bound firmly behind his back, CAMERA MOVES off Bruce to Joker who's kneeling nearby, working on a section of floor with big screwdriver. HOLD for a moment, then CAMERA PANS to Catwoman and Riddler at table. They seem nervous and uneasy. CATWOMAN Strange.. Batman should've been here hours ago. RIDDLER Maybe you didn't leave a clear enough clue in your apartment... CATWOMAN Of course I did} (troubled) I can't understand why Batman hasn't dashed into our trap... FEATURE JOKER He gives screw in floor last twist, looks around. JOKER All set! He puts his foot... here. My secret jack-in-the-box - fires, shooting him up through the skylight into Penguin's giant umbrella! What a humorous death! EXT. TAVERN ROOF - DAY A really GIGANTIC UMBRELLA has been set up, held in open position by guy wires over a skylight. Penguin i8 up on a ladder set against umbrella handle, merrily painting the underside, CLOSER SHOT - PENGUIN Now we get closer view of Penguin's paint drum. It bears a@ sKull and crossbones device, also prominent lettering: "FATAL UMBRELLA POISON!" Humming as he works, Penguin slaps on a last dollop of Umbrella Poison, puts top back on his paint drum and starts down the ladder. INT. HEADQUARTERS - BRUCE His head stirs, he opens his eyes woozily. KNOUITALLIO‘“.COb/ 202 HIS P.O.V. - BLURRED EFFECT as room swims, then JUMPS INTO FOCUS. Catwoman, Joker and Riddler all turn at Bruce's horse cry: BRUCE You abominable outlaws! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH MISS KITKA?!" 203 CLOSE SHOT - CATWOMAN She's in her criminal tights and pussy-mask, and thus wholly unrecognizable as anyone but the vile Catwoman she is. Faint smile flickers on her lips. CATWOMAN She's quite well, Mr. Wayne. 204 FEATURE BRUCE BRUCE I swear by heaven, if you've harmed that girl... (blue murder) I'LL KILL YOU ALL! I'11 REND YOU LIMB FROM LIMB!! Bruce lurches off sofa despite his arm-bound state, charges at crooks like a brave bull. As table goes crashing and- crooks leap out oi way, Penguin appears on steep stairway which descencés from roof door in one corner. PENGUIN ' Faugh! Can't you control this impulsive fellow?? Joker steps aside from renewed bull-like charge, sticks out a foot and LAUGHS GAILY as Bruce takes neader into nearest wall. Bruce comes up shouting: BRUCE WHERE IS SHE, CATWOMAN? SHOW ME MISS KITKA OR I'1l1 WRECK THIS PLACE WITE MY DYING BREATH! ! A beat as Catwoman regards the enraged creature, then she speaks in soft but commanding tone to the others: CATWOMAN Blindfold the captive. Lead him down the labyrinthine path to... Chamber Seventeen? Cont. 108 KNOUITALLIO‘’.COb/ 108 66 204 Cont. 205 206 207 208 Crooks gawk an instant, then leap into action. Joker produces a prepared blindfold, whips it over, Bruce's head. FEATURE CATWOMAN She darts behind an intriguingly translucent screen, begins; to rapidly change clothes.- FEATURE BRUCE as Riddler and Penguin seize his hands. JOKER Follow me to Miss Kitka! PENGUIN This way, sir... RIDDLER Do watch your step, sir... French farce bit ensues as merry crooks lead stumbling, blindfold Bruce in first-rate simulation of a labyrinthine route: actually no further than adjoining room, the two doors of which are passed through several times in varying sequence and direction. CAMERA PANS OFF THIS to screen at other end. "False Kitka" Smerges, ettired In last night's negligee. She runs on catlike feet right past zig-zagging Bruce and guides, ‘ducks into adjoining room. INT. ADJOINING ROOM - DAY Another cozy little parlor, this one with a big brass bed. Boards are securely nailed over windows, blocking view. Catwoman/Kitka comes running in with Joker. Latter speedily.binds her wrists behind back, runs out again. Kitka throws herself on bed, jerks:‘her head in a signal. Penguin and Riddler pull Bruce into room. RIDDLER Two minutes! No longer! Penguin snatches off Bruce's blindfold as Riddler gives Bruce push toward bed, on which our hero crashes as two crooks dart out and slam the door. CLOSER ANGLE - BRUCE AND KITKA BRUCE (heartfelt) Miss Kitka... KITTY Comrade Wayne...! KENOUITALLION“.COb/ REVISED - "BATMAN" - 4/12/66 67 209 INT, MAIN HEADQUARTERS ROOM - DAY RIDDLER Quick, Penguin! Turn on the Secret Microphone! PENGUIN Yo-ho! Quack-quack!} JOKER (thoughtful ) I don't entirely trust our pretty Catwoman,, Many a plot has foundered when some hardened female criminal fell for a civilian --~-- The nasty threesome gather close around electronic gizmo at which Penguin is turning dials, BRUCE'S VOICE emerges from a speaker: BRUCE'S VOICE I'll curse myself forever, Miss Kitka, This nasty soup we're in is largely of my own brewing... 210 INT. ADJOINING ROOM - BRUCE AND KITKA BRUCE (going on) If I hadn't let your beauty lull me off guard... Bruce stops, Kitka's eyes narrow slightly. KITKA "Off guard," Comrade? BRUCE There are some things I can't disclose, Miss Kitka, but... super-grin) Suffice it to say, we're in the hands of the underworld's most vicious foursome. I fear we have nothing to look forward to but... death, Kitka stares at his black visage, softens a bit. Cont. 108 WOUNTALLIOE. COPS 108 REVISED - "BATMAN" ~ 4/12/66 210 Cont. KITKA It may not be that black, Comrade Wayne. Batman and Robin are probably hot on our trail, From something I chanced to overhear, I think., KNOUITALLIO“. COM 67-A REVISED - "BATMAN" - 4/12/66 68. 211 INT, HEADQUARTERS ROOM = GROUP AT SPEAKER KITKA'S VOICE (o.s.) I think you and I are merely bait for Batman. Once he's in their trap, we'll be released. PENGUIN Drat the woman! She's spilling the beans! RIDDLER One more slip and she'll be sorry!! His face murderous, Riddler grabs a pistol from a drawer, cocks it noisily. ele INT. ADJOINING ROOM = BRUCE AND KITKA BRUCE A slender hope, Miss Kitka. More slender than you can know. KITKA You don't think Batman will get here? : BRUCE xX That.I.cannot say... Tell me... : (thinking) Did you overhear any mention of any...other prisoner of this rotten gang? Kitka, wide-eyed, shakes her head. KITKA “No I didn't, Mr. Wayne. Who on earth could you mean? 213 INT. MAIN HEADQUARTERS ROOM - THE GROUP A BONG-BONG CHIME SOUNDS. RIDDLER Commander Redhead. Ringing for his tea... As Joker heads from room, BRUCE'S VOICE comes from the speaker: Cont. 108 KWOUNTALLICE. COG 213 Cont. oy BRUCE'S VOICE O. 5s.) Just a thought, Miss Kitka. It doesn't matter. Speedy escape is our only hope. A moment, while I think... 214 INT. PHONEY STATEROOM - DAY | Commander Redhead doesn't seem to have stirred since we last saw him, still reclines on bunk with volume of Dickens. KNOCK on door. REDHEAD Come in, Steward! Joker enters with tea-tray. 215 INT. reacting, JOKER Your tea and crumpets, sir. REDHEAD Dashed invigorating, this sea air. Gives me an appetite like a horse! Any report when this blasted fog's going to lift? JOKER Quite soon I think, sir. Oh, it could be quite soon! HEADQUARTERS ROOM - GROUP AT SPEAKER as BRUCE'S VOICE suddenly jumps out: BRUCE'S VOICE o.S.) I've got it! Why didn't I think of it sooner?? 216 INT. ADJOINING ROOM - BRUCE AND KITKA 108 KITKA Of what, Comrade Wayne? BRUCE (excitedly) Up my left sleeve! I have a tiny radio transmitter strapped above my elbow! KITKA What a curious device to carry... Cont. KNOUITALLIO“’.COb/ 108 40 216 Cont. BRUCE Not at all, Miss Kitka. Capitalists like myself, who carry sums of money, often have such safety contrivances. If I can just get at it somehow... 217 INT. MAIN HEADQUARTERS ROOM - GROUP AT SPEAKER now including Joker, returned, as BRUCE'S VOICE continues urgently: BRUCE'S VOICE (o.8.) Quickly...let's wriggle around back to back...maybe you can get at it with your fingers... Riddler leaps to his feet. RIDDLER Joker! Penguin! Bring him back! FAST DISSOLVE TO: KNOUITALLIO‘“. COb/ 108 218 219 220 7. INT. MAIN HEADQUARTERS ROOM - FEATURE BRUCE blindfolded again, being rapidly led around stumbling by crooks, in repeat of labyrinthine-route gimmick. Kitka is already behind screen, completing quick-change back to Catwoman role. They give Bruce final dizzying spin-about. PENGUIN Here we are, sir... JOKER Hello again! Joker whips off blindfold, leaving Bruce facing a grinning Riddler. RIDDLER Think you're pretty clever, Mr. Wayne, don't you? BRUCE (spits it out) Clever enough to outwit you, you stupid thug! RIDDLER We'll see about that... (soft) Dear colleagues: let's see what's strapped about this fellow's LEFT ELBOW, shall we? Chortling Joker whips off ties holding Bruce's arms, in order to remove jacket and expose secret transmitter. WHAMMMO!!! Bruce moves like uncoiled lightning, butts Riddler over piece of furniture, swings around and clobbers Penguin. During which: BRUCE Credulous creatures! I knew you'd be listening in! I told that fish story about a radio to MAKE YOU UNTIE MY’ ARMS! VARIOUS ANGLES - BIG FIGHT Bruce has at the three criminals: now with full use of his mighty freed fists. SUPER "POW'-TYPE TITLES here and there. FEATURE PENGUIN He dives for a'microphone, seizes it and shouts: Cont. KNOUNTALLIO“.COhY Te 220 Cont. PENGUIN Mr. Bluebeard! Mr. Morgan! To arms! To--- Zowie! Bruce wallops him flippers over teakettle, spins to have further at others. 2el FEATURE CATWOMAN darting from behind screen, yelling: CATWOMAN You mollycoddles! GET HIM!!!! 222 INT. ADJOINING ROOM - BRUCE crashing in, shouting: BRUCE Miss Kitka! WHERE ARE YOU?!? Catwoman flies at him from behind. He throws her over his shoulder onto the bed, spins around to face new attack by Joker. 223 INT. MAIN HEADQUARTERS ROOM Fists and unanchored objects fly with abandon. Much destruction. Groggy Riddler gets hold of pistol, OPENS FIRE. Bruce ducks shots nimbly, but this is getting serious: even his fists can't fight firearms. He throws a chair at Riddler, Knocks Joker down umpteenth time, kicks out a window and DIVES THROUGH IT. 2eu EXT. FRONT OF BENBOW TAVERN - DAY Bruce lands from second story, picks himself up like a flash, whirls and looks back up at tavern window for an instant. Then he whirls again, shouts down street: BRUCE Taxi! Taxi! Taxi! BAT WHIP TO: 108 KWNOUITALLIO“’. COM 73 225 INT, WAYNE MANOR LIVING ROOM - DAY Commissioner Gordon and Dick Grayson, sitting under pall of gloom. SOUND of front door opening. They leap up, turn, react as super-disheveled Bruce stumbles in. GORDON Great day in the morning! DICK Bruce! BRUCE Come on, Dick! I'm tack just in time for that...important demonstration at the fish hatchery! DICK Right! GORDON But... Great Scott, Bruce! You can't run off now! How did you escape?? Where were you held? BRUCE I escaped with the aid of BATMAN! GORDON Thank heavens. The Caped Crusader, returned to health! BRUCE Yes, Commissioner. And you'd better return to headquarters, he might wish to call you. Good-by! 226 INT. WAYNE MANOR HALL - DAY Bruce and Dick scamper for study, Gordon dashes out front door. 227 INT. BRUCE'S STUDY - DAY Bruce and Dick race in, activate secret switch, zoom down Batpoles. 228 INT. BATCAVE Batman and. Robin emerge, jump in Batmobile, fire it up and vroocom up the ramp. 108 KNOUITALLIO‘“.COb/ 74 229 EXT. BATCAVE ENTRANCE - DAY Batmobile hurtles: out, turns down road. 230 EXT, BATMOBILE COCKPIT ~ DAY (PROCESS) BATMAN Stop blaming yourself, Robin! It was a perfectly natural and sensitive impulse that made you turn off that Batscanner! ROBIN Maybe so, but... BATMAN Forget it! Concentrate on the task ahead! Headquarters United Underworld...above Ye Olde Benbow Tavern! ROBIN Are you sure it was right not to tell the police? F BATMAN I couldn't risk it. They still hald Miss Kitka. The crude methods of a police-raid might jeopardize that girl's life, plunge us all into a ghestly Internetional Incident! ROBIN You're right, Batman! (thinking) What'll we do? Use our Batropes, bust in via the roof? BATMAN correct! (reaching forward) Hold on, Robin! I'm cutting in the Super-Speed Afterburner? BAT WHIP TO: 231 INT. UNDERWORLD HEADQUARTERS - DAY where Penguin temporarily is center of attention in the shambles left by Bruce. As SHOT OPENS, he is evidently finishing a speech: Cont. 108 KRWOUITALLIO“. COb) 108 REVISED - "BATMAN" ~ 4/12/66 231 Cont. Riddler, PENGUIN And so, my fine finkish friends. You've heard my astounding pro- posal, What do you say? Joker, Catwoman look at him a beat, then all bend over chart laid out-’on table. As Joker races out on his mission, Penguin spins and RIDDLER One thing's certain: our strike cannot be postponed! We're at the mercy of the Gotham River tides. JOKER Riddler's right, for once. It's now or never, if we're to get through this channel! PENGUIN Make up your minds! Batman will never come here now,..but the police will...any instant! Yes or no to Penguin's princely plan??? CATWOMAN I say it's crazy, but... I say let us try it! RIDDLER Go ahead, Penguin... PENGUIN Mr. Joker! Put a knockout drop in Commander Redhead's tea! Take him down to the submarine! JOKER Yo-ho! calls through another door: PENGUIN Mr. Quetch! Step lively with your Combat Party! 232 NEW ANGLE 75 Quetch and FOUR SAILORS race in, snap to attention and bellow in lusty unison: __ NOUITALLIOE. COM Cont. 108 REVISED - "BATMAN" - 4/12/66 76 232. Cont. 233 234 235 SAILORS Yo-ho-ho, sir! FEATURE PENGUIN He pulls open a closet, lugs out a strange device. It looks like a converted canister vacuum cleaner, but more complex and intriguing-looking. Lettering on it. says: "SCHLEPPES DISTILLERY - TOTAL DEHYDRATOR" PENGUIN Quackkk...Quackkk... Commander Redhead's Piece de no-Resistance..... An Instant Whiskey maker! RIDDLER (gleefully) Waiting for us to put it to more universal use. ; PENGUIN Help me... Take the back-pack... RIDDLER I've got it! Riddler slips the elaborate device onto his back by shoulder- straps, turns a switch. WHINNING SOUND heard, combined with ominous very rapid GLUG-GLUG-GLUG of a sucker. Penguin turns projector-nozzle gizmo towards Quetch and party. PENGUIN Don't be afraid. You'll feel nothing. I am merely going to temporarily extract EVERY BIT OF MOISTURE from your bodies! Penguin triggers gun, a NOISY RAY leaps out. QUETCH AND' PARTY - SPECIAL EFFECT As RAY plays over them, the five men SHIMMER CRAZILY and SUDDENLY TOTALLY DISAPPEAR. FEATURE PENGUIN He lowers ray gun, races over to where the fellows stood, looks down. . : PENGUIN Delightful! KNOUITALLIO“E.COhY REVISED - "BATMAN" - 4/12/66 TT 236 HIS P.0.V. - THE FLOOR where Quetch and Sailors stood, there are now FIVE LITTLE MOUNDS OF COLORED DUST. RIDDLER 0.8.) Totally dehydrated... 237 BACK TO SCENE PENGUIN Catwoman. Fetch a dustpan. Place each one of them very earefully in a separate vial! CATWOMAN Right! Catwoman scuttles to comply. PENGUIN Then down to the submarine, all of you! I'll set a demolition charge to welcome the police! ~ RIDDLER Where do we meet? PENGUIN ‘UNITED WORLD BUILDING on Gotham East River. Thirty-ninth floor, I'll be waiting at the elevator! In precisely one hour... 238 FEATURE CATWOMAN She hurries INTO SHOT again, holding FIVE LITTLE GLASS VIALS and a dustpan. She starts to brush up the dust. PENGUIN Mere criminal genius, Catwoman! (leering at” the vials) Who but a genius could devise such a plan? -To trick Batman and Robin into inviting ME into the Batcave... with five dehydrated death-dealing pirates at my command. Quack-quack! BAT WHIP TO: 108 ie KNOUNTALLIOE. COPS 78 239 EXT. REAR OF BENBOW TAVERN - DAY Batmobile whines up fast, brakes to a stop NEAR CAMERA, Robin looks up over windshield, reacting. ROBIN Holy cats-and-dogs... 240 EXT. TAVERN ROOF - THEIR P.0.V; - DAY Penguin's MONSTER UMBRELLA is still set up amid gables and chimneys, held by its guy wires. 2u1 BACK TO BATMAN AND ROBIN ROBIN Holy mud-puddle... I smell a Penguin in this woodpile: BATMAN Let's cook the foul bird's goose, Robin. Some other geese too. Out Batarang and Batrope: We'll go up the end wall! They move swiftly to end wall of tavern, Batman cocks arm and throws up Batarang. eke CLOSE SHOT - CHIMNEY - DAY Batarang and trailing line whips around it. 243 BACK TO BATMAN. AND ROBIN They yank tight the Batrope, start up into: eu EXT. BATCLIMB EFFECT - DAY ROBIN Amazing someone hasn't already reported that Giant Umbrella to the police, Batman, BATMAN It's a low neighborhood. Full of rum-pots. They're used to curious sights which they attribute to alcoholic delusions. ROBIN Gosh. Drink is sure a filthy thing, isn't it? I'd rather be dead than... unable to trust my own eyes! 108 KWOUITALLIO‘“. COb) 108 aks O47 248 249 79. EXT, TAVERN ROOF - DAY Batman and Robin come up over gutter, gain the roof. ROBIN Think we ought to check out that umbrella? BATMAN Later! Our first chore is to crash in and rescue Miss Kitka! ROBIN Look...There's a skylight... CLOSER ANGLE - NEAR SKYLIGHT which is under spread of great umbrella. Batman and Robin creep INTO SHOT, crouch down to have a peek. BATMAN (whisper) All right, now... Ready with Super-Blinding Batpellets... We'll crash this in and----- He breaks off abruptly, reacting. INT. U.U. HEADQUARTERS - DOWN SHOT - ZOOMING down from SKYLIGHT P.O.V. to BIG CLOSEUP of demolition charge, LABELED as such in stenciled letters. It's in form of old-style anarchist's bomb but vastly bigger, a globe about three feet in diameter. A fuse is BURNING MERRILY down towards hole. TIGHT REACTION SHOT ~ BATMAN BATMAN Robin!! Away!! DOWN THE BATROPE} WIDER ANGLE Robin jumps up instantly, dashes for edge of roof and Batrope. He turns, sees Batman wrenching at skylight. ROBIN Batman!!! Come oni?! No reply. Batman hurls skylight frame over shoulder, JUMPS DOWN through opening. KRNOUITALLIO“.COb) 108 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 80 INT. U.U. HEADQUARTERS ~- BATMAN’ lands from skylight, dashes to the bomb. Just as he snatches at it, BURNING PART of fuse vanishes INSIDE BOMB, Batman grabs up the huge globe as if it were a toy balloon, runs to window and raises his arms to throw out the infernal machine. He freezes. EXT, COURTYARD - BATMAN'S P,O.V. There are FOUR or FIVE LITTLE CHILDREN there, gaily chanting and playing hopscotch or whatever. BACK TO ROOM - BATMAN Carrying bomb, which emits SPUTTERING SPARKS and SMOKE from fuse-nole, Batman races to closed exit door, crashes it open with his shoulder. INT, TAVERN DOWNSTAIRS - SHOOTING UP - DAY over same DISORDERLY ROISTERERS who packed the joint before, as Batman crashes into view at top of winding stairway in corner. He bellows at the mob: BATMAN Quick! Everyone! FLEE FOR YOUR LIVES! INTO THE STREET! SHRIEKS and pell-mell dash for swinging doors, as Batman himself vaults stairway railing and follows. EXT. FRONT OF TAVERN - FULL SHOT - DAY SAILORS and SLEAZY FEMMES come piling out, YELLING, in a monster panic. Batman, still holding sputtering bomb, herds the last of them out, then races through the pack down the street TOWARD CAMERA. He again lifts bomb to hurl it, freezes again. EXT. STREET - OVER BATMAN'S: SHOULDER SEVERAL NUNS are walking towards him. Sisters of Mercy, obviously, bent on good works in this repulsive district. NEW ANGLE - BATMAN Can't throw bomb away there either, obviously. He turns and runs around a nearby intersection. He lifts bomb, then stops IN FRONT OF CAMERA and freezes yet again. BATMAN'S P.O.V. - OTHER STREET SECTION There's a SALVATION ARMY TRIO on the curb, puffing and pounding on their instruments. Some days, it's darn hard to get rid of a bomb. WOUNTALLIOE CODY REVISED - "BATMAN" - 4/12/66 81 258 BACK TO BATMAN AND BOMB A LOW WHISTLE begins INSIDE BOMB, RISING in pitch. More VIGOROUS SMOKE comes from bomb, As WHINE GETS VERY HIGH, Batman turns again and runs madly down an alleyway TOWARDS THE HARBOR, He sprints OUT OF FRAME, One-~-second interval, no more, then there's a really TERRIFIC EXPLOSION, Smoke and HUGE WATERSPOUT from harbor. 259 EXT, SEAWALL AT EDGE OF HARBOR - DAY Robin comes racing INTO SHOT, peers with horror into smoke and roiled water. RCBIN Batman!! BATMAN!3! Batman appears, rising from behind a low piece of wall at right angles to main seawall, dusting himself off complacently. x BATMAN Whew. Fortunate there was a seawall to protect me. : ROBIN (awed) Holy strait jacket, Batman! You risked your life to save that...riff-raff in the bar! BATMAN They may be drinkers, Robin. But they're also human beings, and might still be salvaged, I had to do it. (bitterly) And now we've lost the trail of that angelic Miss Kitka! Stranded without a clue! No sooner uttered than we hear a BRITISH-ACCENTED VOICE o.s. VOICE I say, could you chaps direct me to a policeman? Batman and Robin spin around, freeze in amazement. 260 WHAT THEY SEE Fellow in front of them wears a deerstalker hat and Inverness cape, has a RED BEARD and MOUSTACHE: but aside Cont. 108 KNOUNTALLIO“.COMY REVISED - "BATMAN" - 4/12/66 83 260 Cont. from that, is absolute spit-and-image of THE PENGUIN! Nose, monocle, cigarette-holder, rolled umbrella, the whole bit. He beams at them, holds out a hand. PENGUIN (Redhead accent) Commander Redhead's the name. Schlepp's Whisky, y'know. I've just escaped from some ruffians in a submarine. 261 BATMAN AND ROBIN They gape an instant, then turn and put their heads together for quick whispered confab. ROBIN - x Holy costume-party! That's THE PENGUIN! BATMAN Obviously! ROBIN What's his game, I wonder?? 262 WIDER ANGLE - as they break up confab, and Batman snaps: BATMAN What's your game...Penguin?? PENGUIN Penguin? My name's Redhead, dear boy. BATMAN Your fingerprints will settle that hash, Penguin. We'll check them against our Mobile Anti-Crime File in the Batmobile. Let's see your hands... Penguin affably extends hands, palms up. ROBIN Gosh! Looks like...plastic- coated fingertips! Cont. 108 KRNOUITALLIO“. CObd 108 REVISED - "BATMAN" - 4/13/66 262, Cont. PENGUIN I scorched myself pressing a waistcoat. I believe the attending surgeon did use plastic... ROBIN It looks bad, Batman. This brassy bird has us buffaloed. BATMAN Not quite. There's one mode of identification which no criminal can evade... PENGUIN (inserting himself) Retinal Eye-Patterns? BATMAN (to Robin) ‘He's right, Robin! The pattern of the myriad, tiny blood vessels on the retina of the eye...as individual as a fingerprint! PENGUIN Don't you have a complete Anti- Criminal Eye-Pattern Master File in your fabutous Batecave? Why don't you take me there? ROBIN You'd be willing to submit yourself to a test? PENGUIN (changes tone) Why not!, Could be an. amusing experience,. don't y'know. BATMAN Get ore to catch. him, Robin. I'll give him the Batgas. PENGUIN Eh?? What?? Batgas??? Cont. KNOUNTALLIOE.COhd 83 108 262 Cont.1 BATMAN A harmless anaesthetic. To prevent you from seeing the entrance to the Batcave} ROBIN If anyone knew that, he could pierce the secret of our True Identities! Batman has aerosol can of Batgas from Utility Belt. Spwifft face. BATMAN Ready...Commander?? PENGUIN What deuced strange customs you colonials have: I'm ready. Batman lets go shot of Batgas into Penguin's The creature slumps into Robin's arms, instantly unconscious. Batman heaves Penguin up over his shoulder like proverbial sack of meal. BATMAN Come on. To the Batmobile! This could be the break we've been iooking for! BAT WHIP TO: KNOUITALLIO‘“.COb) 263 264 265 266 108 REVISED - "BATMAN" - 4/12/66 85 INT. BATCAVE Batmobile comes down ramp, stops on turntable. Penguin/Redhead is wedged into front seat between Dynamic Duo, still out cold. CLOSER ANGLE ROBIN (looking at Penguin) He's the Penguin all right! I wonder why he let us bring him here. BATMAN We'll soon find out. ROBIN I'll set up the Anti-Crime Eye-Checker! BATMAN ; (after him) Stay on the alert, Robin! After I give him this Batwake, we must be ready for anything. Robin runs over to prepare machine. Batman comes around to snoozing Penguin with spray-can of BATWAKE, lifts Slumped head and SHOOTS A WHIFF into it. Penguin wakes instantly, blinks. PENGUIN'S P.O.V. - WIDE PANNING SHOT over fabulous Baetcave’and its blinking gimmickry. PENGUIN (o.s. drawl) Extraordin'ry,..Upon my soul, simply extraordin'ry... Might I have a glass of water? FEATURE PENGUIN PENGUIN (going on) Your Batgas has left me with a somewhat...parched sensation. BATMAN (pointing) Over there. The Drinking Water Dispenser is clearly marked. Cont. KNOUNTALLIO“E.COhY REVISED - "BATMAN" - 4/12/60 86 266 Cont. 267 268 269 270 108 PENGUIN Ah. Yes. I see it... NEW ANGLE featuring DRINKING WATER DISPENSER, which indeed is clearly marked. ‘In addition to main nameplate, there are further controls prominently labeled: "SALINITY INDEX," “ANTI-DECAY FLUORIDES," "TEMPERATURE," "pH VALUE" and "RATE OF FLOW.” Penguin ambles up to this ne-plus-ultra of drinking fountains, inspects it approvingly, then has a quick look back over his shoulder. There is a prominent main control lever that can be moved one direction to "Normal Water" and the other direction to "Heavy Water". It is set at "Heavy Water." HIS P.O.V. - BATMAN across Batcave, standing there and watching him. BATMAN Help yourselif...Commander. Slake your thirst! You'll have worse than a dry throat when we're through with you! BACK TO PENGUIN PENGUIN Perhaps... Perhaps... Penguin turns back to Batman to block off his view, feigns taking a long drink of water as his hands go into swift action. CAMBRA MOVES IN CLOSE. From fold of his cape, Penguin whips @ clip holding FIVE LITTLE GLASS VIALS OF COLORED DUST. Stuck through cork of each is a rubber tube, leading to a connection where all tube-branches join, He jams main end of gadget over water spout of fountain. FEATURE ROBIN at labeled ANTI-CRIME EYE-CHECKER, a complicated optometrist's nightmare. ROBIN All set, Batman! BATMAN Come on, Penguin! Time to rip off your false feathers! KNOUITALLIO“E.COhY 108 271 eve 273 274 275 276- 279 87 FEATURE PENGUIN PENGUIN Coming, my dear Batman! Coming at once! Penguin gives "RATE OF FLOW" control a twist, hurries away PAST CAMERA. CLOSE SHOT - THE FIVE VIALS - SPECIAL EFFECT Water pours in under pressure, hits the dust inside. Lo! The vials pop, dust is instantaneously reconstvti- tuted into MR, QUETCH and FOUR SAILORS of piratical Combat Party. REACTION SHOT - BATMAN AND ROBIN spinning et the SFWOOOOF! SOUND which accompanies re-hydration, goggling. ROBIN Holy hallucination... BATMAN I wish it were, Robin! It's not! It's five de-hydrated pirates... RE-HYDRATED! MR, QUETCH AND CREW QUETCH At ‘em, me hearties! Shiver ‘em from stem to stern! SAILORS (unison) Yo-ho-ho! Fivesome dashes across at Dynamic Duo. WIDE ANGLE - FIGHT - WITH SPECIAL EFFECT Batman and Robin dash across at Quetch and Company, as Penguin scurries to safe roost on Atomic Pile ladder. Fight is brief and astonishing. Batman gives one wallop to leader, who instantly POPS LIKE A BALLOON AND VANISHES. As Robin hits the next, DITTO EFFECT. Then the remaining trio bump into each other in confusion. POP-POP-POP! THEY VANISH TOO! Accompanying this is WEIRD THEREMIN SOUND like a MILLION HARP STRINGS SNAPPING. QUT KNOUITALLIO‘“. COb) 108 280 281 282 283 REVISED - "BATMAN" - 4/12/66 88 REACTION SHOT ~ PENGUIN He can't believe his eyes, makes:.a choked.sound: PENGUIN Faugn.... REACTION SHOT - ROBIN ROBIN Holy rabbit-in-the-hat... ‘The pirates! They're all gone! Popped like balloons! HIGH SHOT It is true. No sign of Quetch and Company, just Batman and Robin and Penguin perched on pile. NEW ANGLE - FEATURE BATMAN ROBIN What happened, Batman??? BATMAN It's obvious. (sniffs) Smell that curious residue in the air? ROBIN (sniffs). Smells like...Deuterium, Type Gamma-3... BATMAN Whoever dehydrated those pirates could not forsee their accidental rehydration the HEAVY WATER we employ for recharging our Atomic Pile. ROBIN Holy see-saw! Which naturally left:them in a HIGHLY UNSTABLE condition! BATMAN You saw it yourself. The slightest impact was: sufficient to reduce them instantly to ANTI-MATTER. Cont. _ [NOUTTALLICE, CObd REVISED - "BATMAN" - 4/12/66 &9 283 Cont. ROBIN (awed) Anti-Matter... Then they won't be coming back... BATMAN No, Robin. Not in this universe. Let it be' an object lesson in | the danger of tampering ‘with the Laws of Nature... He trails off, he and Robin both look up. CAMERA PANS to THEIR P.O.V.:: Penguin on the ladder, a very unhappy- looking bird. . 284 BATMAN AND ROBIN Robin ‘reaches for Batarang, snatches it out. Batman puts out a restraining hand, speaks up toward Penguin without slightest trace of irony ‘this time: BATMAN _My apologies, Commander Redhead. It's clear I've doné you a cruel injustice. ROBIN 2222? 285 PENGUIN who looks equally flabbergasted at that. PENGUIN You.. have??? 286 FEATURE BATMAN BATMAN xX You were duped, brain washed. The criminals planted those Dehydrated Thugs on your person. You were obviously under the influence of posthypnotic suggestion when you rehydrated them. (gravely) Come on down, Commander. I'il1 give you another whiff of Batgas, we'll 811 return to the city. BAT WHIP TO: 108 WOUNTALLIOE CODY 108 287 288 289 90 EXT. BATMOBILE COCKPIT - DAY (PROCESS) Penguin/Redhead, anaesthetized, is wedged between - Batman and Robin as Batmobile speeds against RURAL PROCESS B.G. ROBIN Are you sure you...didn't hurt your head in that fight, Batman? BATMAN Perfectly. Swallow this pill... Batman fishes a pill from Utility Belt BELOW SHOT, hands it to Robin. Robin dutifully gulps it down. Batman reaches down, produces aerosol~can, BATMAN (going on) Now then, just as we round this curve... Give our friend a whiff of Batwake... Batmobile rounds curve. Robin sends SPRAY into Penguin's face. Penguin ewakes, Batman simultaneously looks down at instruments and reaches for switches. ROBIN What's wrong, Batman? BATMAN Manifold Pressure dropving... I think we'd better stop and check it... EXT. ROAD = DAY Batmobile coasts INTO SHOT and stops on shoulder NEAR CAMERA. In b.g. is a SMALLISH SHED with big writing on it: "GOTHAM CITY PUBLIC WORKS DEPT." Batman speaks to Penguin, starting to get out: BATMAN Sorry, Commander. Won't be a minutes. CLOSER SHOT - PENGUIN PENGUIN Oh yes, you will} Crafty bird moves like lightning, raises his rolled umbrella, squeezes handle. Jet of COLORED GAS SFURTS OUT. Batman clutches at his throat, tumbles insensible into road, Cont. KRNOUITALLIO“. COb) 108 REVISED - "BATMAN" - 4/12/66 ‘91 289 Cont. 290 2gl 292 ROBIN Hey!!! Pwifff! Robin, rising in seat, gets another SPURT OF GAS, tumbles’ out of cockpit on the other side. PENGUIN Yo-ho! Quack-quack! Away we go in the BIRDMOBILE! Penguin slips over into driver's seat, hits throttle. EXT, ROAD - BATMOBILE It zooms away in a cloud of UNDERCRANKED dust, vanishes around nearby bend. CAMERA PANS BACK FAST to Batman and Robin, sprawled. They sit up abruptly, jump to their feet. _BATMAN Okay, Robin? ROBIN Sure am, Batman! Thenks to that ANTI-PENGUIN-GAS PILL! BATMAN The ‘pompous fool... He's played right into our hands! - Quick now! Via BATCYCLE to the BATCOPTER! We'll track him to the gang's new hideout! Batman and Robin dash to that little shed beside: the road, throw open end door and run inside. Powerful VROOMING ENGINE SOUND is heard. Scarcely a moment later, BATCYCLE roars out, Batman over the handlebars, Robin holding ‘on for dear life in the sidecar. BAT WHIP TO: EXT. AIRPORT - BATCOPTER IN F.G. - DAY It's all ready for take off, rotors idling. Batcycle comes lickety-split across the tarmac. Robin separates his “goecar" from the side car and Batman draws up at one side of the Batcopter - Robin at the other. They leap out and climb aboard. BAT WHIP TO: EXT. FLYING BATCOPTER - DAY ESTABLISHING it in flight once more. KNOUNTALLIO“E.COhY 108 293 294 295 INT, BATCOPTER - DAY (PROCESS) where Robin is bent over radar-like gadget. ROBIN Batscanner, tracking stolen Batmobile perfectly... BATMAN I'll keep an eve on that. You man the Batphone, activate the Remote Control Intercontinental Relay Link in the Batcave, Get me Commander Redhead's office... London, England BAT WHIP TO: EXT. SUBMERGED SUBMARINE (STOCK) 92 The deadly craft noses cautiously along amidst various NATURAL UNDERWATER OBSTACLES. INT. SUB COMMAND ROOM Catwoman, Riddler, Joker, also Bluebeard and Morgan manning assorted controls. LOUD PONGING of SONAR ana so on, atmosphere highly tense. JOKER Port, two degrees, then steady as she goes] MORGAN Aft diving-planes, ease back! CATWOMAN (at planes) Easing back... Miaow! RIDDLER We're almost there! Take the con, Joker! Riddler LAUGHS EXCITEDLY, leaves his wheel and starts quickly aft. JOKER Hey! Riddler! Where are you going?? RIDDLER To fire off some more riddling clues, of course! ERWOUITALLION“. COb) Cont. 93 295 Cont. Catwoman leaves planes, dashes after Riddler and grabs him, CATWOMAN Youtre mad, Riddler! Penguin's finished Batman by nowl RIDDLER That waddling mountebank of a bird! He couldn't finish a bag of popcorn! Joker runs over tc help restrain Riddler. JOKER So sav Penguin failed! All the MORE REASON not to hand them your crazy clues] RIDDLER But I must, I must! Outwitting Batman is my sole delight, my joy, my heavenron-earth, my very paradise, my--- os LAUGHING CRAZILY, he tries to break from their grip. 296 EXT. SUBMERGED SUBMARINE - MINIATURE It bumps heavily into some submerged object. 297 INT, SUB COMMAND ROOM It TILTS and SHAKES, the LIGHTS FLICKER. JOKER BACK TO THE CONTROLS!11 As careening Joker and Catwoman race back to diving planes, etc., Riddler darts back into? 298 INT. SUB MISSILE ROOM Riddler slams watertight door, dogs it closed. He turns, runs to Missile Guidance console, begins to twist knobs like crazy. BAT WHIP TO: 108 KNOUNTALLIO’.COpY O4. 299 EXT, FLYING BATCOPTER ~ DAY 300 INT, BATCOPTER COCKPIT - DAY (PROCESS) ROBIN Stolen Batmobile turning! Now heading up Gotham River Drive} Batman works controls. BATMAN Roger. We'll cut across the harbor! What word on our call to London? Robin picks up Batphone. SOUND of HARMONIC TONES, ROBIN Automatic Relay still searching for a circuit, Batman... 301 INT. SUB MISSILE ROOM Riddler makes last setting, punches FIRE BUTTON. 302 EXT, POLARIS MISSILE LAUNCHING ~ DAY (STOCK) A missile breaks the surface, roars skyward. 303 INT. BATCOPTER COCKPIT - DAY (PROCESS) Robin, looking down while he holds Batphone, lets out a frantic shout: ROBIN BATMAN]! GUIDED MISSILE?! BATMAN Hold tight, Robin! This may be trickyiit Batman leans on controls. Batcopter cockpit tilts and heaves and does mad gyrations. Then there's a terrific ROARING WHOOSHING SOUND and HUGE MISSILE FLASHES BY GOING UPWARD ON PROCESS SCREEN. A cloud of SMOKE pours into the cockpit. BATMAN Damage ?? ROBIN Tail rotor burned of fii! Cont. 108 KNOUITALLIO‘“’.COb/ 108 95 303 Cont. A-303 304 305 BATMAN Brace yourself! We're going down}! I fear this COULD BE THE END!! Robin braces himself desperately, Batman fights bucking controls. Not to much avail, judging from STOMACH-TURNING MADNESS ON PROCESS SCREEN. Buildings and approaching grouna flash by, now right side up, now upside down, ever CLOSER, and as BLURRY GROUND literally LEAPS AT US THROUGH WINDSHIELD: INT. SUB COMMAND ROOM ~ FEATURE RIDDLER his eye glued to periscope as he cries in paranoid glee: IDDLER I got them! I got them! After all these years... SATMAN AND ROBIN KILLED BY A CRIMINAL CONUNDRUM! EXT. STREET - DAY Batcopter is perched at crazy angle atop back of a HUGE FLAT- BED TRUCK. Truck is loaded with about a ton of FOAM RUBBER, Sign on side of truck explains: "GOTHAM CITY FOAM RUBBER CO., INC." Batcopter should look as cracked up as possible: tail rotor gone, some glass smashed, SMOKE POURING out. As CAMERA MOVES IN, Batman and Robin clamber out of Batcopter. ROBIN Holy horse-shoe! Some luck, landing on a foam-rubber delivery truck: BATMAN Yes, Robin. I'd say the odds against 1t would make even the most reckless gambler cringe. True, I did think I'd Spotted it from the corner of my eye, but... He breaks off as there's a heavy dull BOOOM! high overhead. They both react, look up. ROBIN That crazy missile! It wrote two more riddles before it blew up! EXT. SKYWRITING IN SKY As Robin said: two more wreathily-writ riddles, which Batman reads aloud: BATMAN (o.s.) "What goes up white and comes down yellow and white?" ROBIN (o.s.) An EGG} KNOUITALLIO“.COb/ 96 305 Cont. BATMAN 0.8.) "How do you divide seventeen apples among sixteen people?" ROBIN (o.s. - Make APPLESAUCE! 306 BACK TO VACANT LOT - BATMAN AND ROBIN BATMAN An EGG and APPLESAUCE... Not a@ common combination... A penetrating BEE-BEEP-BEEP SOUND behind them. They turn. ROBIN The Batphone beep! BATMAN Sturdy device. Still working. Must be my call to London.... Batman reaches through SMOKE into cockpit of Batcopter, comes up with Batphone receiver. Into phone, as CAMERA MOVES IN on him: BATMAN Hello? Very BRITISH SECRETARY'S VOICE comes from earpiece: SECRETARY'S VOICE Schlepp's Whisky, Limited. Commander Redhead's office... BATMAN This is Batman calling from Gotham City, U.S.A.! A matter of the greatest urgency! WHAT WAS COMMANDER REDHEAD'S MISSION IN THIS COUNTRY?? SECRETARY'S VOICE Marketing a new device, actually. One to dehydrate our whisky... remove all the water from it, y'know...making it a powder which -- Cont. 108 KRWOUITALLION“. COb) REVISED -' "BATMAN" - 4/12/66 o7 306 Cont. BATMAN ‘(cuts in) | Thank you, madam! That's all I need to know! Good-bye! Batman chucks phone receiver back into Batcopter, smashes a fist into open palm. BATMAN Those strange riddles! I see their meaning! ROBIN What, Batman??? BATMAN x Apples into APPLESAUCE...A unification into one smooth mixture. An EGG... Nature's perfect container. The container of all our hopes for the future. ROBIN x A unification in a container of hone? The UNITED WORLD organization! BATMAN Precisely, Robin! There's a special meeting of the Security Council today, and if what I fear is true... ROBIN Wow! Let's commandeer a taxi! turns, shouts) Taxi! Taxi! BATMAN No, Robin! Not at this time of day! Luckily, we're in tip-top condition... It'll be faster if we run! © As they slide.down haystack and run like hell PAST CAMERA: BAT WHIP TO: 307 INT. SUB COMMAND ROOM Joker and Catwoman at diving planes, etc., Riddler at periscope calling out orders: 108 Cont ° LK NOUNTALLIOE.CODS 108 98 307 Cont. 308 309 3210 311 RIDDLER Steady...Steady... Up one... Starboard two... We're passing into the grotto now! BLUEBEARD (calls} Depth, half-a-fethom! RIDDLER Hold her... Engines, dead slow astern! BAT WHIP TO: EXT. CITY STREET - DAY Batman's judgment was right: this section of street is a solid jam of HORN-BLOWING TAXIS. Batman and Robin sprint INTO SHOT, race easily through bogged vehicles. BAT WHIP TO: INT. SUBMARINE CAVE - GLOCMISH DAY including SUB CONNING TOWER and section of DECK AWASH, up against natural quai. Conning tower hatch flies open, Riddler, Catwoman and Joker leap nimbly to the quai. Catwoman carries her BLACK CAT. Strapped to Joker's back is the TOTAL DEHYDRATOR. FEATURE A DOOR IN ROCK Sign on it says: "THIS DOOR NOT IN USE! NO ENTRY!" Riddler comes up, leading others. RIDDLER An. Good. Just as the blueprints said... An abandoned construction elevator! CATWOMAN (to cat) Hecate! Sniff out the weak spot! She throws black cat towards door. CLOSE SHOT - CAT AT DOOR It ranges briefly, suddenly arches its back and HISSES LOUDLY. KNOUITALLIO‘“.COb/ 108 312 313 314 315 316 99 WIDER ANGLE As Catwoman grabs up her beast, Riddler slaps a blob of plastic explosive on spot the cat indicated. JOKER I hope Penguin's waiting... RIDDLER Who needs him? Stand back! Trio flatten themselves back against rock. KER-BLOOOM! Plastic charge EXPLODES with much SMOKE. BAT WHIP TO: EXT. CITY STREET - BATMAN AND ROBIN - DAY running with graceful strides past mcre HONKING traffic bound cars. BAT WHIP TO: EXT. UNITED WORLD BUIIDING - DAY (STOCK) It looks amazingly like United Nations Building. Flags of many nations flutter as CAMERA MOVES UP facade of gleaming slab-like tower. INT. UNITED WORLD CORRIDOR ~ DAY Penguin, now sans Redhead disguise, comes INTO SHOT, passes WITH CAMERA through a pair of swinging doors bear- ing sign: "SECURITY COUNCIL IN SESSION. NO ADMITTANCE!" Ahead of him, SEVERAL UNIFORMED GUARDS are ranged at intervals. They turn. GUARD Hey! Can't you read?? PENGUIN It's a fine day for Penguins! Looks like rain! Penguin snaps open ubiquitous umbrella, gives it ea SPIN and a THROW. LONG SHOT - TOWARD PENGUIN - SPECIAL EFFECT The umbrella comes SPINNING DOWN CORRIDOR TOWARD THE CAMERA, leaving a trail of VAPOR in its wake. As the FLYING UMBRELLA passes each guard, he clutches at his throat and falls insensible. KNOUTTALLIO‘’. COb/ 108 317 REVISED - "BATMAN" - 4/12/66 10D. KEW ANGLE - PENGUIN He hurries down corridor to closed elevator doors. Prominent stenciling on them says: “ABANDONED ELEVATOR! NOT IN USE!" Penguin whips a little key from pocket, inserts it in slot under elevator buttons, turns it. Elevator door slides open, revealing Joker, Riddler and Catwoman inside. PENGUIN Yo-ho! We meet as planned. Hold your breath as you cross the hall! There are still lingering traces of my fine filtered PENGUIN GAS! BAT WHIP TO: KNOUNTALLSOE COPY 108 318 319 320 REVISED - "BATMAN" ~ 4/12/66 101 EXT. CITY STREET - TRUCKING ‘SHOT - DAY Batman and Robin, running side by side, now panting a bit. ROBIN . Holy Marathon... I'm getting a stitch, Batman! BARMAN Let's hope it's a STITCH IN TIME, Robin,..that saves nine...the nine members of the United World Security Council! BAT WHIP TO: INT. SECURITY COUNCIL ROOM - DAY The NINE MEMBERS of the Security Council are in a group, heavily engaged in their ceaseless search for peace. The word “engaged" is used advisedly. They are having a MONSTER HASSLE, accompanied by INCOHERENT SHOUTING in NINE LANGUAGES. Some of them are wrestling, others pull at each others' lapels, one stocky member is furiously beating with a shoe on big council table. The only dialog we can catch is from an ENGLISH SPEAKING delegate NEAR CAMERA, but all languages should be identifiable to those who understand them and all basically shouting. DELEGATE My country wishes PEACE, do you hear me?? Nothing whatsoever but PEACE!!! (Note: The Nations must be identified and the appropriate translations made). Doors at end of room are thrown open abruptly, in bound Joker, Penguin, Riddler, Catwoman. Nobody pays slightest heed to them in the confusion, CLOSER ANGLE - CROOKS - SPECIAL EFFECT PENGUIN (musing) . Dear me... Our poor United World, in microcosm... JOKER I'm afraid they'll find our humor, very very DRY! Riddler grabs RAY PROJECTOR attached by a cord to Joker's back-pack, aims it TOWARD CAMERA and pulls the trigger. CONCENTRIC MULTI-COLORED RINGS OF WAVE-ENERGY leap out from the muzzle of projector. -Accompanying this 1s a SPECIAL SOUND EFFECT too: a POLYLINGUAL BABEL OF CURSES which rapidly RISE IN PITCH to an insane PIPSQUEAK YIPPING and then abruptly CEASE. KNOUNTALLIO“E. COM) 3el 322 323 324 108 102 OVERHEAD SHOT - DOWN AT COUNCIL ROOM FLOOR CAMERA MOVES AROUND. Where each Council Member was last seen is now a LITTLE MOUND OF DUST, nothing more. The mounds are different sizes and different colors, matching their human prototypes. NORMAL ANGLE - THE CROOKS CATWOMAN Quickly, now! Each one in a separate vial! And boys...let's not anybody SNEEZE! BAT WHIP TO: INT, UNITED WORLD LOBBY - DAY Batman and Robin come panting in, run up to the MAIN RECEPTION DESK. BATMAN Emergency! Seal this building! ROBIN And TURN OFF THE VENTILATING SYSTEM! BATMAN Robin's right! The Security Council MAY HAVE BEEN DEHYDRATED! (to Robin) Come on! Upstairs! BAT WHIP TO: INT. UNITED WORLD CORRIDOR - DAY Just as the four super-crooks scurry from Security Council room and head catty-corner across corridor for their elevator, swinging doors ahead fly open and Batman and Robin dash in. A frozen instant of surprise as crooks and crime fignters see each other. BATMAN AND ROBIN BATMAN Surrender, you criminals! ROBIN The United Underworld is through! BATMAN One false move and we hurl our Batarangs! THE CROOKS - FEATURE CATWOMAN CATWOMAN To the elevator, boys... Cont. KRWOUITALLIO“’. COb) 103 326 Cont. BATMAN Catwoman! I said STOP! CATWOMAN I don't think you mean it, Batman. For just one move by you...and METS 327 BIG REACTION SHOT - BATMAN He's frozen, torn by indecision, his face works under mask. 328 LONG SHOT - DOWN CORRIDOR - TOWARD DYNAMIC DUO That moment of indecision is enough. Crooks come to life, dive into the open elevator, the doors slide closed. Batman and Robin have come to life too, but too late. They come sprinting TOWARD CAMERA, stop and look into: 329 INT. COUNCIL ROOM ~- OVER THEIR SHOULDERS RQBIN The Security Council... Gone! BATMAN What a fiendishly clever way to abduct NINE MEN from a HEAVILY GUARDED BUILDING! 330 BACK TO CORRIDOR - BATMAN AND ROBIN leave Council Room doorway, spin and rush across to closed elevator doors. ROBIN Where does this elevator go?? BATMAN Downstairs, obviously. To an abandoned SUBMARINE DOCK along the river. ROBIN Holy Captain Nemo... They'll head for the sea via Short Island Sound! BATMAN (super-steely) We have just one trump card left, Robin. Heaven help the world if we fail! BAT WHIP TO: 331 EXT. SUBMERGED SUBMARINE (STOCK) 332 INT. SUB COMMAND ROOM PENGUIN Down periscope! We're over the last bar! Mr. Bluebeard..,.all engines Full Ahead! 108 BLUEBEARD Yo-ho! 411 together, Full Ahead! KRWOUITALLIO’. CObd 333 334 335 336 108 REVISED ~ "BATMAN" - 4/12/66 104 CLOSER SHOT - CHART TABLE There are nine little corked tubes of dust lined up on table, under greedy regard of Catwoman, Riddler and Joker. CATWOMAN What a purrrr-fectly delightful haul... Penguin comes INTO SHOT, PENGUIN Mr. Riddler, kindly prepare the nine Radio Ransom Messages. RIDDLER Right! As Riddler starts away, Joker jumps up and grabs him. JOKER , And none of your stupid RIDDLES, understand? Make those messages plain! CATWOMAN One billion dollars cash from each country... . PENGUIN Precisely, Mr. Riddler. To be delivered to our Secret Island. By the horde of trained CARRIER PIGEONS which we will presently ‘provide. No whimsical embellishments, make those messages clear! Joker gives Riddler a push, latter goes off. Catwoman lets out a languorous sigh. CATWOMAN It's like a dream, Pengy-sweet. Nothing can stop us now! BAT WHIP TO: EXT. WATER - SPEEDING BATBOAT - DAY A low-level HELICOPTER SHOT; showing the fantastic craft batting along like hell with a tremendous rooster-tail of spray. EXT, BATBOAT COCKPIT - DAY (PROCESS) Batman at helm, Robin wearing headphones over Sonar equip- ment. Robin reacts suddenly. ROBIN Sonar contact! Range eight thousand, bearing one-eight-one! INT. SUB COMMAND ROOM Bluebeard turns from sub's sonar gear, gives shout: Cont. KWOUNTALLSCE CODY 108 105 336 Cont. BLUEBEARD Sonar contact! Small craft at seven-five-hundred, bearing zero-one! PENGUIN What? Small craft? BLUEBEARD Closing incredibly fast, sir.., Range now down to...seven thousand! JOKER The BATBOAT?? PENGUIN Faugh! Dret that cockleshell! (shouts ) Catwoman, bear down on the diving planes? JOKER T'll man the torpedo tubes! PENGUIN Indeed, sir! Mr. Riddler.,.fire a surface-to-surface underwater homing missile? 337 INT. SUB MISSILE ROOM 338 339 Riddler comes racing in, quickly sets gadgets, loses no time in pushing FIRE BUTTON. EXT. POLARIS MISSILE LAUNCH (STOCK) Missile breaks surface, shoots up into sky. EXT. BATBOAT COCKPIT ROBIN Missile ahoy! Batman grabs up Batbinocs, peers up through them. BATMAN Looks like it has a homing device in the nose-cone,.. Get ready for evasive action! Batman lowers glasses, leaps for the helm. KROUITALLIO“. COb) REVISED.- "BATMAN" - 4/12/66 106 3h0 EXT. SPEEDING BATBOAT - HELICOPTER SHOT ~ DAY Batboat goes into tremendous zig-zag, hurling up tons of spume. 341 EXT. BATBOAT COCKPIT (PROCESS) ROBIN No use, Batman! It's TRACKING US! BATMAN Take the helm! I'll get the x Batradio! ROBIN x Batradio?7? BATMAN I looked it up this morning... That class of missile receives on a wave-length of one-six-four- point-one! If I can just send &@ quick JAMMING SIGNAL... (at radio console) There... I think that ought to do the trick.., ROBIN It's starting down!!! Batman dives again for helm, throws it hard over. 342 EXT. BATBOAT Another crazy skidding turn. 343 EXT. BATBOAT COCKPIT (PROCESS) THUNDERCLAP SOUND as a GIGANTIC EXPLOSION goes off on PROCESS SCREEN: it might well be an underwater atom bomb: test. ‘ ROBIN Holy Bikini! That was CLOSE!!! 108 KNOUITALLION“.COb/ 107 344 INT, SUB COMMAND ROOM Crooks all hold onto stanchions as room SHAKES and SHUDDERS from the missile explosion. LIGHTS BLINK ON AND OFF, PENGUIN Farewell, Batboat! TOKER Farewell, Dynamic Duo! CATNOMAN (drawn out) Ciao! Miaowwwww! BLUEBEARD (at sonar) Small craft stil2 closing! Range four thousand! Bearing eight-eight! RIDDLER Curses! They know how to jam our missiles!! PENGUIN Catwoman! Take her up to Periscope Depth: 345 EXT. SPEEDING BATBOAT It finishes a gyration, holds on a steady course. 346 EXT, BATBOAT COCKPIT (PROCESS) ROBIN Range...three-five-hundred! BATMAN I'll set tne Batpilot to Automatic... Help me prepare the Batcharge Launcher! ROBIN Roger! They pull tarp hastily off BATCHARGE LAUNCHER. It's iike common depth charge Y-launcher, only greatly smaller, owing to superior power of Batcharges. BATMAN This 1s going to need every ounce of our skill, Robin... Cont. 108 KNOUITALLION“.COb/ REVISED - "BATMAN" - 4/12/66 346 Cont. ROBIN You can say that again, Batman! BATMAN They hold nine of the world's most eminent men in Dehydrated Condition! Our task is not to sink that sub, ~ merely drive it to the surface! 347 EXT. WATER - PERISCOPE It pops up with little Jolly Roger attached, cuts through the water, leaving a wake. 348 INT. SUB COMMAND ROOM - PENGUIN with eye glued to periscope. 349 THROUGH PERISCOPE EFFECT - BATBOAT right in CROSS HAIRS, racing DIRECTLY TOWARD LENS, 350 BACK TO COMMAND ROOM PENGUIN Bow torpedo tubes... Prepare to fire! JOKER All ready, Penguin... PENGUIN Catwoman, stand by on diving planes... (then) Torpedoes, FIRE! JOKER Torpedoes AWAAAY! 351 EXT, SUBMERGED SUB NOSE (STOCK) as torpedoes burbdle swiftly out. 352 INT, COMMAND ROOM PENGUIN Diveil! 353 EXT, BATBOAT COCKPIT (PROCESS) Robin reacts to something forward, shouts: Cont. 108 KWOUNTALLSCE. COPS 108 REVISED - "BATMAN" - 4/13/66 109 353 Cont. — 355 356 357 358 108 ROBIN Torpedo wakes: DEAD AHEAD! BATMAN Batcharges! Fire!!! In front of those torpedoes!? Batman leaps to helm, Robin to Batcharge Launcher. Robin swings it, presses FIRE BUTTON. CLOSE SHOT - BATCHARGE LAUNCHER It FIRES a quick succession of little BATCHARGES. EXT, SPEEDING BATBOAT It heels over in a tremendous bit of evasive action. EXT. WATER - SHOOTING OVER BATBOAT MONSTER WATERSPOUTS as Batcharges detonate oncoming torpedoes. INT, SUB COMMAND ROOM - FEATURE RIDDLER clicking STOP WATCH, looking at it as room SHAKES and REELS with the not-so-distant explosions. RIDDLER Too soon! Must've been Batcharges! : PENGUIN Indeed. And there'll soon be more of the dratted things...MEANT FOR Us! Catwoman flies at Penguin in mingled rage and panic. CATWOMAN You dismal bird! You and your sub- marine! WHERE'S IT GOT US NOW?! PENGUIN Shut up! You feline floozy! Back to the diving planes! RUN SILENT, RUN DEEP! EXT, SPEEDING BATBOAT It roars over the water on a steady course, WOUNTALLIOE CODY 108 360 362 363 110 EXT. BATBOAT COCKPIT (PROCESS) ROBIN (at sonar) They're diving... Engines being switched to silent... BATMAN Good. Just the way we want ‘em. ROBIN What's the scheme, Batman?? BATMAN We'll circle them at full-thrust Batspeed! Diminishing radius of curvature! Set launcher for...one Batcharge per second! ROBIN Roger: EXT. SPEEDING BATBOAT - HIGH SHOT It heels over, starts to cut a tremendous circle through the water. INT, SUB COMMAND ROOM PENGUIN Mr, Bluebeard! What's their bearing? ? BLUEBEARD lavst don't Know, sir! PENGUIN Faugh: Don't know??? BLUEBEARD Look... It's changing every second! They must be CIRCLING US! EXT, SPEEDING BATBOAT - HIGH SHOT Batboat is circling indeed, at fantastic speed. EXT, BATBOAT COCKPIT (PROCESS) BATMAN Batcharge Launcher to Rapid Fire... Let her go, Robin!?! As Robin presses button: KRWOUITALLIO‘“. COb) 108 365 366 367 A-367 B-367 368 369 REVISED - "BATMAN" ~ 4/12/66 111 CLOSE SHOT - BATCHARGE LAUNCHER PLUP-PLUP-PLUP: precisely one per second. EXT, SURFACE OF WATER as ORANGE BATCHARGES strike it. These deadly super-power devices are not much larger than an ordinary can of peas. EXT, SUBMERGED SUBMARINE (STOCK ) as DEPTH CHARGES EXPLODE nearby, This STOCK should not be impossible to secure: we are unaware of any submarine picture which has not included it. INT, SUB COMMAND ROOM - VARIOUS SHOTS as the nasty BATCHARGES DETONATE in steady succession. Full-scale HELL BELOW, Deck TILTS CRAZILY this way and that, sends super-crooks and crew careening. LIGHTS GO ON AND OFF. Spluttering ELECTRICAL EXPLOSIONS at control boards, with ominous FLASHES and lots of ACRID SMOKE. INT, COMMANDER REDHEAD'S CABIN - VARIOUS SHOTS As each explosion occurs he continues hig reading, apparently unperturbed except for the fact that his monocle keeps popping out of his eye and having to be replaced. INT. SUB COMMAND ROOM - VARIOUS SHOTS OF CHART TABLE containing the test tube rack with the vials full of dehydrated security council members, The rack moves closer and closer to the edge of the table with each successive explosion until it is perched right on the brink. EXT, SUBMERGED SUBMARINE (STOCK) Further CHARGES EXPLODING, INT, SUB COMMAND ROOM - VARIOUS SHOTS Continued PANIC AND CONFUSION as BATCHARGES CONTINUE. BLUEBEARD Compartments A...B...C...F Taking green water, sir!!! yi A stream of WATER comes gushing down on Penguin as he clings crazily to periscope base. Catwoman comes lurching over, grabs him and wails: Cont. KWOUNTALLICE COPS REVISED - "BATMAN" - 4/12/66 111-A x 369 Cont. CATWOMAN Penguin! Penguin! You know how CATS HATE WATER! PENGUIN Faugh! Drat you! (pushes her away) Open your umbrellas, everyone! With free hand, Penguin snaps open his colorful umbrella, holds it over his askew top hat. Cont. 108 KERWOUITALLIO“. COb) 108 370 371 372 REVISED ~ "BATMAN" - 4/12/66 369 Cont. RIDDLER That bird's flown around the bend! CATWOMAN Joker! Riddler! We weren't born for a WATERY GRAVE! Do something, huh??? 112 Joker fights lurching way to microphone, yells into it: JOKER Now hear this! BLOW ALL TANKS! SURFACE? ?! EXT, SPEEDING BATBOAT - HIGH SHOT It's still hurtling in fabulous fatal circle. EXT. BATBOAT COCKPIT (PROCESS) BATMAN All right, Robin. Cut the Batcharges. They've had about enough, I'd imagine. Robin pushes another button on Batcharge Launcher, whirls back to sonar gear. ROBIN You're right, Batman! They're surfacing... Fast! BATMAN Estimated surfacing position ROBIN. Nine hundred yards... looks up, reacts) Here they come! EXT. SUBMARINE SURFACING (STOCK) wee 2? Sub breaks up through surface with great swoosh of water, EXT. BATBOAT COCKPIT (PROCESS) Batman turns helm, then picks up Batbinocs and has a look. BAtDA’ Heave to, Robin. KWOWITALLIOE COPY 374. 376 377 378 379 380 381 108 REVISED ~ "BATMAN" - 4/12/66 113 out EXT. BATBOAT - FULL SHOT It leaps ahead; goes into a spuming turn. INTERCUT: OUT EXT, BATBOAT COCKPIT - SHOOTING FORWARD (PROCESS) Sub's CONNING TOWER AND DECK loom rapidly CLOSER on PROCESS SCREEN. ‘BATMAN Ready to board! ROBIN Ready, Batman. Batman throws his Batarang with line attached. EXT, SUB DECK AND CONNING TOWER as Batarang with trailing line WHISTLES INTO SHOT, snags the deck rail and instantly pulls TWANGINGLY TAUT. JOKER Pirates! To arms!!! RIDDLER Prepare to repel boarders!!! Batman and Robin come leaping from OFF SCREEN, land nimbly on the deck just as Penguin pops up through the hatch. BATMAN Strike your colors, Penguin?! PENGUIN Faugh! We have not yet begun to fightil! VARIOUS ANGLES - HUGE FIGHT over and around conning tower, gun shed, deck and whatnot. Trot out full array of SUPERED TITLES and SHOWERS OF STARS, Crewmen emerge, get knocked off as they come end up strewn around like kayoed sea bags. The criminals lose. Our guys win, Just at end of it, Catwoman pops up through hatch. Cont. KWOVNTALLICE COD REVISED - "BATMAN" - 4/12/66 114 381 Cont. BATMAN Hold out your wrists, Catwoman! Come like a lady! CATWOMAN (venomous hiss) Pssssssssssssssssh! Catwoman darts down again through hatch, Batman and Robin dash after her. 382 INT. SUB COMMAND ROOM Catwoman scrambles down ladder, trips at the bottom, sprawls on the deck. 383- OUT 385 108 KWOUNTALLSOE COPY 108 386 387 388 389 390 391 U5 FEATURE BATMAN AND ROBIN They bound towards her, suddenly both stop and absolutely freeze. “THEIR P.0.V. - CATWOMAN ON DECK - CLOSE Her pussy mask has come off in her tumble. She is revealed as KITKA. CLOSE SHOT - ROBIN ROBIN (breathes) Holy heartbreak... Miss Kitka! BIG CLOSEUP - CATWOMAN/KITKA BIG CLOSEUP - BATMAN - OPTICAL MONTAGE is frozen face, with SHIMMERING GHOSTLY IMAGES SUPERED OVER to SOUND of VIOLINS PLAYING "PARLEZ-MOI D! AMOUR." Images from that fabulous night of theirs: Bruce and Kitka dancing, having dinner, so close in the back of hansom cab, lovely Kitka en negligee in her apartment. Suddenly there's effect of SHATTERED SHEET OF GLASS over the whole schmear, VIOLIN MUSIC ENDS in an AWFUL DISCORD. The dream is over. SUPERED EFFECT ENDS, there's just stony-faced Batman. ANGLE WIDENS to TIGHT TWO SHOT, including Robin at his side. BATMAN Say no more, Robin. It could be... compromising. ROBIN Of course. BATMAN It's just...one of those things in the life of every crime fighter. It means noening . Snap on the Bateuffs! WIDER ANGLE - BATMAN He turns abruptly, goes to radio console near chart table. He rudely pushes a crook draped thereon to the deck, flicks a couple of switches and picks up hand mike. Into it, curtly: BATMAN Batman to Coast Guard. There's 2 drifting submarine two miles east of Sandy Nose Lightship. It's filled with human jetsam. Come take it in tow, As he turns off radio, he notices something on the chart table, reacts. KRWOUITALLION“. CObd 108 392 395 394 395 REVISED - "BATMAN" - 4/13/66 116-117 HIS P.0.V. - CHART TABLE - CLOSE The rack containing the NINE TUBES of DIFFERENT-COLORED DUST is perched so precariously on the edge of the table, it seems to be defying gravity. BATMAN (o.s.) Robin! Come here and look... WIDER: ANGLE Robin gets up from Batcuffing Catwoman, comes over and looks. ROBIN Holy almost! BATMAN Yes, Robin. The hope of the entire world. To think it might have been shattered before our very eyes. As he picks up the vials, reverently we hear loud BRITISH VOICE o.s. REDHEAD Iosay! Steward! NEW ANGLE - FEATURE COMMANDER REDHEAD entering irascibly from an aft compartment, full. of loud complaint: REDHEAD The service on this yacht has gone to pot! Where's my tea?? (seeing Dynamic Duo) What the devil is this? The captain's Costume Party??? Advancing peevishly, Commander Redhead trips over some debris on deck. He gives a CRY, does a REELING PRATFALL the entire length of the Command Room and smashes right into Batman!: CRASH!!! A terrible SHIVERING SOUND of TINKLING BREAKING GLASS!!! CLOSE SHOT - THE DECK The NINE VIALS have been knocked over, are busted, the dust is half out of each. Commander Redhead's HEAD is also IN SHOT, right beside them. His lip quivers, he gives a TERRIFIC SNEEZE.. Swoooooossssh! Blast of the kerchoo swirls the vari- colored dust into a hopelessly MIXED MESS. CAMERA HOLDS on it a beat, then TILTS UP to horrified faces of Batman and Robin staring down. ROBIN Holy jumble! Where's the hope of the world now??? BAT WHIP TO: KNOUNITALLIOE.COhY 108 398 399 REVISED - "BATMAN" - 4/12/66 118 OUT INT, BATCAVE Batman and Robin, with surgical masks. over their masks, surgical gloves over their gloves, and doctors! white smocks over their costumes, are working at super-complexicated machinery (several of their normal ones hooked together) labeled: "SUPER-MOLECULAR DUST SEPARATOR", As they work levers and switches, monitor guages: ROBIN Bat-Centrifuge at thirty-two thousand R.P,M's! BATMAN Increase the Angstrom Force in Vector "X"... ROBIN Vector "X", up one notch: Red Batphone FLASHES and BEEPS, Batman hastens over and grabs it up. BATMAN Yes?? INT, GORDON'!S OFFICE - DAY Gordon is holding Red Phone, also an ordinary black one off the hook, Present are O'Hara, a passel of NEWSMEN, also a MOBILE TV CREW with camera on Gordon, Atmosphere of tense expectancy is nigh overwhelming. GORDON What progress, Batman? Is there hope? INTERCUT: PHONE CONVERSATION - BATCAVE AND GORDON'S OFFICE BATMAN There's always hope. You should know that, sir. GORDON Of course, of course, but... Do you think you and.the Boy Wonder can separate that mingled dust back into its constituent members? Cont. KWOWNTALLIOE. COPY ons 108 REVISED - "BATMAN" - 4/13/66 . 119 399 Cont. 400 401 BATMAN With all modesty, Commissioner. If we can't, heaven knows who can! GORDON From the bottom of my heart: truer words were never spoken! INT. GORDON'S OFFICE As Gordon puts down Batphone, a familiar TEXAS VOICE comes from receiver of OTHER PHONE which Gordon holds: VOICE Howdy, y'all! How are those boys doing up there? GORDON Batman says there's hope, Mr. President! What more can one ask? VOICE The whole free world is waiting. Tell Batman I salute him and wish him luck. INT. WAYNE MANOR LIVING ROOM - DAY where Aunt Harriet and Alfred are watching SCENE IN GORDON'S OFFICE on big TV SCREEN. Gordon turns to address newsmen and TV’ CAMERA. GORDON (on TV screen) I needn't tell you with whom I just spoke, ladies and gentlemen. AUNT HARRIET You know, Alfred, I'm just sick with shame! ALFRED Shame, madam? AUNT HARRIET For Bruce and Dick...Those two silly boys... (groans) With the whole world in the balance, THEY choose today to go FISHING! KNOUITALLIO“.COR) 402 A-402 x 108 REVISED - "BATMAN" - 4/12/66 120 INT. BATCAVE - BATMAN AND ROBIN super-tense at equipment, A BONG-BONG SOUND from the gizmo, ROBIN Ready for separation! BATMAN All right, now... I'll just activate the computer-link... Feed in the various national and ethnic factors... ROBIN Batman... wait a minute! BATMAN (surprised) Eh? ROBIN (bit. awkward) Well...with the way the world is, and all... Don't you think maybe we oughta try to improve those factors? Kind of... reshuffle them a little? BATMAN No Robin, Na, It's not for mortals like us to tamper with the Laws of Nature, (grim) Indeed, in this very Batcave, we had a ghastly example of what happens when one tries that! ROBIN Gosh yes, Batman. When you put it that way... BATMAN Here we go! Batman whacks a lever, Machinery goes into MAXIMUM ACTIVITY prop department can contrive. CAMERA HOLDS for then TRUCKS IN to CLOSE SHOT of nine little glass vials held in some kind of holder under a set of tubes, MONTAGE OF SILENT EXPECTANT CROWD SCENES FROM VARIOUS INTERNATIONAL CAPITALS AS THE WHOLE WORLD WAITS HOLDING ITS BREATH, KNOUNTALLIO“’.COhY REVISED - "BATMAN" - 4/12/66 121 x 403 INT. BATCAVE - BATMAN AND ROBIN The machine reaches a crescendo of maximum activity. The CAMERA moves in to the empty vials. Presto! Colored dust starts to flow rapidly into each one. Batman picks them up sacredly and looks at them - then crosses = the Batphone, stripping off his surgeons gloves. BATMAN Separation accomplished. Ready to re-hydrate! 404 INT. GORDON'S OFFICE Commissioner Gordon is awed. He speaks into the other phone. GORDON" Separation accomplished. They are ready to re-hydrate. A-4O4 INT. OFFICE THAT COULD BE THAT OF THE PRESIDENT CAMERA is shooting from behind a big shair whose occupant is unseen, On the desk before him are a hattery of microphones. A telephone is replaced in its cradle. VOICE Separation accomplished. We are ready to re-hydrate. BAT WHIP. TO: 405 EXT. BATCAVE ENTRANCE - DAY (BATSTOCK) Batmobile shoots out onto highway. BAT WHIP TO: 406 EXT. UNITED WORLD BUILDING ~ DAY (STOCK) Flags flying, great slahblike building gleaming against the s 4O7 INT. UNITED WORLD COUNCIL CHAMBER - DAY Gordon and O'Hara, varioys DISTINGUISHED SPECTATORS, Batman and Robin. A simple apparatus has been set up on the big gleaming table: equivalent of a transfusion gizmo, with tubes leading from a central reservoir labeled "PLAIN WATER (LIGHT)" to the NINE LITTLE GLASS VIALS, Each of latter is set on chair appropriate to Security Council Member contained therein; we know them by signs on table in front of each. "GREAT BRITAIN," "FRANCE," "U.S.S.R," "ALBANIA," "GERMANY," "JAPAN," "TTALy, " "GHANA, 7 "ISRARL. "Batman and Robin place the dast of the vials in proper position, then Batman turns: Cont. 108 WOWITALLIOE. COPS 108 REVISED - "BATMAN" - 4/12/66 122 4O7 Cont. 408 409 410 411 412 413 hy BATMAN A solemn moment, my friends. One of dedication and humble supplicationee. (turns head) Robin! Prepare to re-hydrate!. Turn on the water faucet! Robin reaches out, turns on a perfectly ordinary water faucet which is bizarrely integrated in the gleaming equipment. It should be labeled "WATER FAUCET". VERY CLOSE SHOT - TRANSPARENT TUBING the water creeps tantalizingly slowly down the various tubes toward the several vials. A SERIES OF INDIVIDUAL CUTS OF FEARFUL AND EXPECTANT ONLOOKERS the ‘suspense is too much! OTHER ANGLES - SPECIAL EFFECT As the creeping water finally hits the dust. One by one in front of our eyes, the SECURITY COUNCIL MEMBERS POP BACK INTO EXISTENCE - exactly as they were when DEHYDRATED, complete with colorful national dress and other identifying paraphernalia. FULL SHOT - DISTINGUISHED ONLOOKERS they gasp in admiration and relief. CLOSE SHOT - COMMISSIONER GORDON He still holds a very special phone. GORDON (excitedly - into phone) They've done it... Success, success}?! CLOSE SHOT - BACK OF THAT CERTAIN OFFICE CHAIR - AS BEFORE . The battery of microphones are still before him on the desk. VOICE We've done it... We've done it... Success... success. FULL SHOT - DISTINGUISHED ONLOOKERS they turn to look off in amazement as o.s. we hear a strident resurgence of voices. WOWITALLIOE COPY 415 416 417 418 419 420 4el 108 REVISED - "BATMAN" - 4/12/¢6 123 FULL SHOT ~- RE-HYDRATED COUNCIL MEMBERS - They have all resumed yelling at each other in exactly the same furious fashion as when they were first dehydrated. An identical continuance of the same scene, CLOSE SHOT - COMMISSIONER GORDON astounded. CLOSE SHOT - BATMAN AND ROBIN perplexed, SERIES OF ANGLES as the CAMERA MOVES IN on the various members of the re-hydrated Security Council one by one. Certainly they are all yelling at each other exactly as before - but there is one small difference. Now the ENGLISHMAN is spouting in RUSSIAN, the FRENCHMAN in GERMAN, the AMERICAN in CHINESE etc. etc. THE ENGLISHMAN rips off a shoe, begins to pound it on the table. SERIES OF ANGLES as all of the distinguished onlookers turn to look toward Batman and Robin. CLOSE SHOT - COMMISSIONER GORDON AND O'HARA they too look toward their Dynamic Duo, CLOSE SHOT - BATMAN AND ROBIN even Robin turns to look at Batman with a questioning expression. BATMAN Who knows, Robin... This strange... mixing of minds... may be the greatest single service ever performed for humanity. (he looks around him at the extraordinary scene) Let's go. But inconspicuously! Through the window... with our Batropes... Our job is finished. Batman and Robin push inconspicuonsly through the yelling, wrestling, pummeling mob, exit the scene via window, as CAMERA PULLS BACK. FADE OUT THE END IRNOUTTALLIOE.CORJ